This is is Samurai And Showgun, a short (and bloody) Japanese Rick And Morty cartoon released by Adult Swim. If you're into Rick And Morty it's definitely worth a watch. Heck, even if you're not into Rick And Morty it's probably worth a watch because we're all trapped in our homes, what the hell else is there to do besides watch videos on the internet? I mean it's not like I can do a jigsaw puzzle SINCE THEY'RE ALL SOLD OUT EVERYWHERE EXCEPT FROM JERKS ON EBAY PRICE-GOUGING THE HELL OUT OF THEM. I swear. "You swear what?" Just a lot, in general.
This is a short video of corgi Winston trying to figure out what Claptrap is and just where the hell does he think he's going during the initial Borderlands 3 game loading screen. So...does anybody else wish they could have modded Claptrap into a pleasurebot like Fisto in Fallout: New Vegas? *hiding redhead wig behind back* I'm sure some weirdo does. In related Borderlands news: I finally got the platinum for the main game yesterday (screencapped PSNprofiles proof HERE) after convincing a group of strangers online to help me with the shooting range trophy because I aim and shoot the same way I eat: like a maniac. "There's egg on your face." Well it's not something I'm embarrassed about, it's just part of who I am. "I meant literally, and in your hair." Mooooooom!
This is the Tenikle 2.0 ($24, also available with Blu-Tooth camera operating clicker for $36), a smartphone mount that uses three highly bendable suction cupped tentacles to stay in place while you film your sexy solo web show or whatever the hell people use things like this for, presumably shower-based sexy solo web shows. Which gives me an idea. "You should shower." It's been quite some time, hasn't it? "I can smell you through the internet." Imagine what my neighbors must think. "That you're a corpse." Yes -- that's exactly it!
Keep going for a couple product shots and the rest of the promo video.
This is a video of the very freshly dressed Puggy Smalls serving as assistant (in this case, table) to magician Neil Henry as he repeatedly performs the classic tablecloth trick with increasing difficulty. Very impressive! I showed the video to my dogs and asked how come they never do anything to help me make money and earn their keep around here, because it looks like Puggy is doing it and he's literally just sitting there. But hey, if I had a nickel for every time my dogs pooped in the house because they didn't want to go outside in the rain, shoot, I'd be able to replace the carpet.
This is a short insightful video about finger limes that produce 'lemon caviar' and can sell for as much as $150/pound. For reference, I'm worth about 10¢/pound, or $24 for the whole disgusting me. Apparently the lime is so valuable due to few people propagating it, its difficulty in growing, low yields, and high demand by top chefs. Obviously, you and I need to open a finger lime farm pronto. We'll be rich! "We'll be poor just like that time you convinced me to invest in your bootleg Sour Patch Kid factory and you ate all the product." I told you, my blood sugar plummeted and I panicked. Wilford Brimley called me directly to make sure I was okay.
Keep going for the video while i Google 'magic finger lime seeds.'
This is a video highlighting the potential for the spread of disease as caused by ignoring social distancing and getting drunk on a beach with a bunch of other idiots during a spring break coronavirus pandemic. In the video maker's own words while I continue my eleven year streak of near-flawless social distancing:
Want to see the real potential impact of ignoring social distancing? We ran an analysis using data from Xmode Social to see the travel paths of anonymized mobile devices that were active at Spring Break at one single Ft. Lauderdale beach. As the map shows, the footprint of social gatherings like these can be massive and put our whole nation at risk!
Crazy right? Also are they allowed to be tracking those phones like that? Can they track mine? You can't prove I was on that beach. I really wasn't though -- I haven't spring broken in many, many years. Or ever really, I was always too busy with my studies. "Studies, or not having any friends?" Well it's not like they're mutually exclusive.
This is a video of Youtuber Liam's Newly Rebranded Entertainment Franchise's girlfriend Jessie retelling the story of Star Wars: A New Hope after having only seen it once three years ago. Her rehashing is pretty great (minus forgetting some major plot points but remembering some incredibly minute details), and Liam's animation of her story was really value-add. For reference, according to my last performance review, most of my contributions around the office here are actually value-subtract. Like the time I tried to save money by manufacturing our own printer ink from Kool-Aid packets. "How did that work out?" In my defense I told the office manager we should have bought the insurance on those printers.
Keep going for the video while I try to recall anything from the 22 hours of television I watched yesterday.
This is a coronavirus themed video edited together by Vimeo user Cut To Black using a ton of different pop culture shows and movies. Like a dog toy between me and the fridge in the dark, I half assumed it was going to be a turd, but it was actually a pretty great edit. That dog toy? It really was a turd, and I was dumb enough to kick it trying to convince myself it was a toy.
Keep going for the video while I applaud Jack Torrance and his family for really doing the social distancing thing right.