This is a video from Kuma Films of Japanese contact juggler Masaki Hirano demonstrating his skills. Following that last post I feel like it's the perfect palate (read: eyeball) cleanser. After watching that video my eyeballs begged me for some eye candy to wash the taste out of their rods and cones. Well technically they demanded dual eyepatches, but I don't have any more eyepatches because the last time my ship was boarded and plundered the other pirates took everything. "Everything?" *struggling to hop around on one leg* Everything.
Keep going for the video and give your eyes a treat.
This is a video of self proclaimed Mr. Zoom (aka John Edward Doyle, aka not the man to challenge to a staring contest) setting the world record for the longest time spent with his eyeballs popped out of his head, with an astonishing 140 seconds. And may I be the first to say, MY GOD, what an uncomfortable 140 seconds it was for me.
Keep going for the video (in which he can't blink for the entire time and his eyes just keep getting redder and redder and he looks like he's about to explode like Thunder in Big Trouble In Little China), as well as a video of Mr. Zoom's eyeball popping dance to Daft Punk's 'Get Lucky' while I squeeze a handful of Tide Pods into each of my own eyes.
This is a short video created by visual effects artist fx_mania of a humanoid skin crawling backwards while simultaneously being ripped apart and blown away by the wind. Hoho, you'll never make it to Oz being that fragile! I'm assuming the Wonderful Wizard failed to send back the suit of armor that he requested with Dorothy. "Just like he forgot your penis upgrade?" Wait, how did you-- whatever, never trust the man behind the curtain, that's the real message here.
Keep going for the Instagram video (which includes the action in reverse), as well as its predecessor.
This is a video highlighting the Reconfigurable-Wheel Track (RWT) wheels developed by DARPA to add to its war machines of the future. The design was briefly seen previously in this article discussing DARPA's Ground X-Vehicle Technologies, and can morph from a round rolling wheel to a triangular treaded track on the fly and in less than a second to traverse various terrain (round and rolling for hard surfaces, triangular tracked for soft). Cool, but why isn't there a square shape option? "For what purpose?" Bewildering your enemies! If they see you pulling up to battle with square wheels they're gonna think, "Oh shit, these guys are idiots," then let their guard down. And that's when you hit them with the trebuchet. "You really are a master of war, GW." You know the whole Trojan Horse thing? I invented that to get into a birthday party I wasn't invited to.
This is a video news report about a unicorn sheep (which actually does have a second regular, much less prominent horn) that was destined for the slaughterhouse before Michael Foster offered its owner two cases of cold ones for the magical creature. Now Joey the Australian unicorn sheep lives on Michael's property as a pet, which is great news because now I just need to find out exactly where Michael lives in Australia and I can finally make the unicorn hair core wand I've always dreamed of. I mean, provided Australia doesn't kill me before I even get there, which, according to my most recent calculations, it 150% will.
This is a video of a circus performer practicing a little horizontal juggling for the non-profit Big Apple Circus. For those of you struggling to understand how the illusion works, it's called magic, and I wouldn't be holding my breath for that acceptance letter to Hogwarts you've been hoping for since you were almost 11. I'm sorry, but I think it's time to accept you're a Nubble. "You mean Muggle." What? No -- like the very end of a tit. "A nipple?" Whatever, you're not magic, that's my point. "But nipples are magic." My God....when you're right, you're right. I'll call Dumbledore and see what the hell the holdup is.
If you haven't been following the game, current Jeopardy! contestant and professional sports gambler James Holzhauer has been smoking his way through his competitors, accumulating a total of $697,787 in only ten days, and repeatedly setting the record for highest single-day winnings. He now has the top four spots at $131,127 (April 17th); $110,914 (April 9th); $106,181 (April 16th); and $89,158 (April 12th). Previously the record was $77,000 set by contestant Roger Craig in 2010, and prior to that the $75,000 set by Ken Jennings. He also holds the record for highest Daily Double wager ($25,000). Obviously, he's really smart, and he's not afraid to bet hard, which has been paying off. For reference, I answered two questions (technically questioned two answers) correctly on last night's game, one of which my girlfriend disqualified because I responded after the contestant's answer, which, yes, I did just quickly repeat after I heard it. *shrug* What can I say, my mind works at a turtle's pace. And not a Ninja Turtle either, like one of those super slow Galápagos turtles. "Those are tortoises." Of course being stupid doesn't help either. "You really aren't smarter than a 5th grader, are you, GW?" I'm not even smarter than a road grader.
Keep going for a quick highlight reel from last night's game, including James's new single-day total of $131,127.
This is a video of sweet rescue horse Murphy playing the keyboard with his lips. And how quickly he moves those lips, man -- if he was a talking horse like Mister Ed he could probably give that Micro Machines guy a run for his money. Now, I'm not so jaded that I'll insist this song is better than all the current music that's coming out, but at least 95% of it, easy.