This is a video of a Colorado man blowing the very light snow off his Subaru with his paramotor. In his own words while I park in the garage like not a lowly peasant. "Nobody believes you have a garage, GW." One of these days!
"Four inches of snow was falling on my car so I decided to use my paramotor to clear if off before going out flying."
Thankfully it appears this man doesn't live in a crowded neighborhood where that ungodly noise could bother somebody. Because if one of my neighbors thinks they're cleaning their car off with a paramotor, they have another thing coming. And that thing is a paramotor you-know-where. "In their butt." What? No -- through their bay window. Why is everything butts with you? It's like you're ten and we're BFFs.
This is a short video of a guy demonstrating his mom's solution for a sliding door lock. You can hear her in the background, "Are you gonna put it on the internet?!" Of course this isn't her fault at all -- this is her son's fault. If he'd answered his phone and come over and installed a proper lock when his mom called needing a lock for her sliding glass door this never would have happened. But noooooo, he was probably too busy out socializing with the ladies. "Or playing Fornite." Well in my mind he was out meeting his future wife. "But in reality he wasn't even finishing top 50." If I were his mom I wouldn't even get him anything for Christmas this year.
Keep going for the video while I reminisce about all the times I've come up with even worse solutions for problems.
This is a video of Mark Rober and James Bruton building and demonstrating a bowling ball with a shifting weight inside that will quickly roll in the direction you're leaning while wearing an inertial measurement unit that can detect your current orientation. Heck yeah, cheating. Now let's head down to the bowling alley and hustle some suckers till The Dude tells us how not cool we're being and Walter readies our entrance into a world of pain.
Because Mother Nature clearly had a bottle of Jägermeister hidden somewhere after I wrestled the bottle of Fireball away from her, this is a short video of a Komodo dragon strutting down the beach with the remains of sea turtle on its head, presumably for a little snack on-the-go. And you know how I feel about snacking on the go. "You don't understand why there isn't a chip-feeding attachment for your beer helmet." What is this, the 1700's?
Keep going for the whole video, complete with shell shake-off at the end.
This is the Illuminated Milky Way Orb available from Hammacher Schlemmer. The 3-inch (that's too small!) glass orb (not actually crystal) contains an allegedly accurate, laser-etched depiction of the Milky Way galaxy based on data collected by the European Space Agency's Gaia space observatory, and costs $160 (I could have sworn I saw something identical at a mall kiosk for $60, which I still thought was too steep). Some more info while I spend the rest of the day counting all those stars for accuracy:
Inclined at 60° within the orb to accurately match its inclination to the ecliptic--the plane of Earth's orbit as it revolves around the sun--it depicts the Galactic Bar and the Perseus and Scutum-Centarus Arms in clear detail. In addition to the Norma and Sagittarius Arms, the orb shows the Orion Arm, in which the Solar System resides. The orb rests on a 4 1/2" L x 3" Square base that illuminates the galaxy with a five multicolored LEDs.
Are you thinking what I'm thinking? "But how can I use it as a sex toy?" What? No. Also, what's the matter with you? You don't have to wonder if EVERY SINGLE THING EVER can be used as a sex toy when, just like with this one, it's a very obvious yes.
Keep going for a few more shots and a short video.
This is an impressive video (complete with dual picture-in-pictures!) of 10-year old Japanese drummer Yoyoka peforming the percussion to Rage Against The Machine's classic 'Bulls On Parade'. She really nails it. I can FEEL the rage. But, also, the unbridled joy of a young, talented musician doing what she loves. So, just like my 2010 Rage Against The Machine Reunion Tour concert ticket stub, I'm torn. "Great tie-in, GW." Hey *puts feet on makeshift cardboard box and unused office door desk, chews on end of stale 'It's a boy!' bubblegum cigar* I don't get paid in expired Bed Bath & Beyond 25% off a single item coupons for nothing.
This is a short video of two cats playing tug-o-war with what appears to be a piece of raw steak while a third, smarter cat (think of him as the third little pig) actually chews some meat off. Smart. Also, a great metaphor for life -- because when your'e busy squabbling with somebody over something, there's always someone else (or a clandestine organization, possibly the deep state) stealing whatever it is you're fighting over, unseen, right in front of you. So, which cat are you? Because I feel like the steak. Also, I know one litter box that's gonna require a hazmat suit to clean tomorrow.
This is a video of Ukrainian brothers and accordionists Vasyl and Viktor Kravchuk performing John Williams' Star Wars classic Imperial March (Dark Vader's Theme). And, I think I speak for every serious Star Wars fan here that's in a healthy relationship and whose girlfriend can totally take a joke without throwing something sharp or heavy when I say I want these two to perform this song at my wedding. "Awww honey, we can totally dance to that." I meant instead of Here Comes The Bride.