This is a diagram (UPDATE: added a video for you moving-picture learners) detailing how to lace your shoes into a pentagram (aka star). You will be so edgy with your Doc Martens! Maybe not as edgy as me, but I'm like a stop sign with a hundred sides. Sooooo many edges. Plus I can tell my parents worry about me. "Haha, not for that, son." Well what for then? *dad whispering in your ear* What the hell, dad?! *mom whispering in your other ear* I'm running away.
Keep going for the video tutorial while I insist I wear Velcro shoes because I'm lazy and not because the bunny ear method eludes me.
Thanks to Christina D, who agrees the coolest laces of all time remain those elastic curly laces.