I Never Even Had A Race Car!: An Ultra Fancy Helicopter Children's Bed

February 6, 2020


This is the Helicopter Bed designed and sold by luxury children's furniture manufacturer Dragons Of Walton Street. You have to request the price if you're interested which I didn't do because it would only make me angry, but I assume it costs more kidneys than I have access to at the moment. Just look at that thing -- it even has a top deck with integrated desk! Some more info while I look up adult size race car beds to relive the childhood I never had:

the helicopter bed is handcrafted so no two are the same and there are added extraordinary features like a personalised dashboard with a joystick, speed dial, clock, radio with adjoining speaker. There are two USB ports to plug in an iPad or tablet.

Our kids helicopter bed is equipped with blue and white exterior lighting and a stunning array of gadgets, like switches and buttons, located on the top deck by the desk.

Man, could you imagine if this was your bed growing up? You'd probably be so rich right now you wouldn't even know which way is up and it wouldn't matter. You could just live in ignorant bliss and goshdangit I'm so jealous right now I could-- "Shit your pants!" This isn't an improv show, you know, I'm not taking audience suggestions. "DO IT." You're scaring me!

Keep going for a few more shots while I daydream about getting to da choppa as a kid.




Thanks to my friend becca b, who agrees if you didn't have a themed bed growing up, yes, your parents were peasants.

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