Scientists Recreate Vocal Tract Of 3,000 Year Old Egyptian Priest Mummy

January 24, 2020

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Using "medical scanners, 3D printing and an electronic larynx," researchers believe they've faithfully recreated the vocal tract of the 3,000-year old mummy of Egyptian priest Nesyamun. Why, I'm not sure. There's a video of the result below, which is disappointingly only "a single sound - somewhere between the vowels in 'bed' and 'bad.'" Man, I was really hoping for some actual speech. You know, like "Cleopatra does the nasty," or "Pharoah gobbles donkey goobers." Maybe if they'd, I don't know, GIVEN HIM SOMETHING TO DRINK he would have been more talkative. Could you imagine how dry your mouth must be after 3,000 years? That is some NEXT LEVEL PARCH. You know, I still remember the first time I necromanced a mummy back to life. "How did that go?" Dry bastard reached straight for his penis and POOF....just dust. I pretended to call all the king's horses and all the king's men for his sake, but it was really just a dirty talk line.

Keep going for the EHHHHH...EHHHHH.

Thanks to Deborah V, who agrees it's only a matter of time until Nesyamun drops a chart-topping rap album.

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