After discovering that trial by combat "has never been explicitly banned or restricted as a right in these United States," 40-year old David Ostrom of Kansas has requested an Iowa court allow him to settle his property and custody battle with 38-year old ex-wife Bridgette Ostrom with a duel after claiming she's "already destroyed (him) legally." He says he's even willing to allow his ex-wife's attorney, Matthew Hudson, to stand in as her champion and fight for her. *rubbing hands together excitedly* This all sounds very good to me.
A Kansas man has asked an Iowa court to grant his motion for trial by combat so he can meet his ex-wife and her attorney "on the field of battle where (he) will rend their souls from their corporal bodies."
Hudson filed a resistance to the trial by combat motion by first correcting Ostrom's spelling.
"Surely (Ostrom) meant 'corporeal' bodies which Merriam Webster defines as having, consisting of, or relating to, a physical material body," the attorney wrote. "Although (Ostrom) and potential combatant do have souls to be rended, they respectfully request that the court not order this done."
Hudson argued that because a duel could end in death, such ramifications likely outweigh those of property tax and custody issues.
[Ostrom] asked the Iowa District Court in Shelby County to give him 12 weeks "lead time" in order to source or forge katana and wakizashi swords, as first reported by the Carroll Times Herald.
Ostrom, who said he doesn't have any experience with sword fighting, doesn't anticipate the judge will let his request go forward, but he wants an answer anyway.
Ahahahaha, he has no experience sword fighting and requested 12 weeks lead time to procure the proper ninja sword for the battle. If you can't get a decent ninja sword in four weeks you don't know the right people. Man, this guy is really something. Something *unsheaths katana, licks seductively cutting tongue* I thalanth tou a duo.
Thanks to speakerbox and Ashley I, who agree if you're Bridgette you better be offering Matthew an extra two grand to get out there and stab your husband.