Because technology is cyclical, these are the $60 Tapper brand AirPod carrying straps available from Nordstroms. They look an awful lot like wired earbuds, but they're not. They're just a strap to attach to your nonwired earbuds so you don't drop or lose them when angrily yelling at peasants. And they cost $60 for some reason I'm not even going to spend any time trying to comprehend for fear of not being able to get an erection for at least two birthdays.
Keep going for a shot of the straps in white for wear before Labor Day.
Thanks to Christina D and speakerbox, who agree that, since technology is cyclical, it's only a matter of time until Apple brings back the 3.5mm headphone jack.