This is the $50 Illumiknobi designed and sold by Pin & Tumbler Studio. Not only was it geniusly named, but it lights up when you approach it at night so you can see where it is. It's powered by a single coin-cell battery, which can allegedly power the knob for a whole year. Obviously, it's perfect for finding the bathroom door at night without fumbling around and waking your partner. I mean, at least not until the earsplitting diarrhea.
Keep going for a couple more shots and a video.
Thanks again to Gwen, who agrees the secret to peeing quietly at night is doing it in a hamper.