Real Products That Exist: Hammock With Banana Print

September 19, 2019


This is the Banana Hammock made and sold by hammock and hiking gear manufacturer DutchWare. It comes in three varieties, none of which would even come close to being able to support my fruit:

DutchWare's signature Chameleon Hammock, an 11' modular sleeper designed to be lightweight and adaptable to myriad environments, thanks to various layers and components you can add in and remove as needed. ($148)

The Half-Zipped Hammock, whose bugnet has 1 side sewn to the hammock body and the other attached to a separating zipper so you can roll up the bugnet on the sewn side and toggle it in place. ($138)

The Netless Hammock. Pictured above, a simple, single layer made of DutchWare Hexon 1.6 fabric. Best for sitting or snoozing in the backyard. ($80)

Did you know actual banana hammocks exist for preventing your bananas from bruising in the kitchen? I did not before my girlfriend told me, but they do (links to Bed Bath & Beyond DESPITE THEM NOT HONORING MY EXPIRED 20% YOUR ENTIRE ORDER COUPON LAST WEEKEND). Still, I'm sure this hammock will be a real laugh riot right up until the point a bear decides it wants to be a monkey for a day.

Thanks to Ashley G, who agrees if you do see a bear in the woods, never mention Goldilocks.

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