Trying Hard And Believing In Yourself: Man Beats Skyrim Using Only A Torch As A Weapon

August 12, 2019

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This is highlights reel of Youtuber and self-challenger Mitten Squad beating Skyrim using only a torch to deal damage to enemies (he still wears armor, uses healing spells, and shouts that don't affect enemies). Basically, he eats vegetable soup (which replenishes a stamina point every second) then uses the power bash perk to constantly wail on enemies. A text version of his journey while I watch the whole twenty minute video, then bill a client an hour for the twenty minutes I just wasted:

I'm skipping the opening ride into Helgen because it was a glitchy nightmare just like it was in the last Skyrim video I made. I chose an Imperial for reasons I'll explain in a bit, ignored Alduin, and made my way inside Helgen Keep. Just like with my Fork and Shout videos, when I say "With Only A Torch", what I mean is that I can only do damage to enemies with a Torch. I can still wear armor, use spells to heal myself, and use shouts that don't affect enemies.


A few minutes in, and I already found my first Torch. Sort of. There are 2 kinds of Torches in Skyrim. There are Torches that are items, and those that are a part of the environment meaning they're fixed in place just like a wall or a door. As I made my way through the Keep, it became annoyingly clear that finding a Torch to wield as a weapon would be harder than I thought. I let Ralof and his friends do all the work since I can't do anything, ran passed the bear, escaped Helgen, and activated the Warrior stone.

It had never dawned on me that Bleak Falls Barrow is just a little ways up a mountain from the stones, so I went ahead and discovered the location to save myself some time down the line. In Riverwood, I took advantage of Gerdur by taking everything she had to her name, then went inside Riverwood Trader to buy a Torch from Lucan. For some reason I thought it was common for merchants to sell Torches. But the one time I actually want a torch, there aren't any for sale, which means I'm completely defenseless.

I also checked a few nearby buildings for any torches that I might be able to steal, but still there was nothing. The small upside is that Whiterun is only a short hike and a few wolf bites away. I persuaded the guard to let me in, checked with the weapon vendor for some reason and found no torches, made my way inside Dragonsreach, and gave the Jarl the rundown on what happened in Helgen. Farengar, the court wizard, didn't have any Torches either.

So I did what I hate doing and resorted to the Skyrim Wiki to figure out exactly where I could find a torch. There are Torches in the dungeons beneath Dragonsreach, the only problem is getting in. It took a few more attempts than it should have to get a guard to see me picking a lock, allowing me to go directly to jail, pick the lock in the loose grate on the floor, and and get my first Torch. There are actually a few Torches in the dungeon. By the time I'd retrieved my possessions after spending the night in jail, I had 8 fire sticks to my name and was off to Bleak Falls Barrow to get the Dragonstone.

Now that there's relevant footage to show in chronological order, I can explain a few things about Torches. The Torch is held in one hand, but it's not a one handed weapon. Using it to shield yourself from attacks raises the Block skill, which is why I chose an Imperial as my race. They're one of 4 races that start with 20 in Blocking, but they're also the only race to start off with 25 in Restoration, which is incredibly useful since the Torch is not a very useful weapon.

Yeah, that is not how I played the game. "You spent 120 hours just trying to romance all the Argonian lizard people." You're damn right, and I would have spent another 120 doing the same thing if my girlfriend hadn't broken my Playstation. She said it was an accident, but I think she may have set it in the driveway and backed over it on purpose.

Keep going for the video.

Thanks again to my dad, who's coming to visit in October and we are gonna VIDEO GAME IT UP.

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