Because why should Florida Man have all the dumb, a man in Kennewick, Washington reported to police that his red 1992 Chevy pickup truck was stolen after leaving the keys on the seat (PROTIP: great way to get your truck stolen). The only thing is, he was across the street up to no good himself. Details at eleven!:
But after surveillance video was reviewed, police discovered that the reason the pickup owner had left his truck was because he was off stealing items from a business across the street.
The pickup owner was then booked in the Benton County jail on a warrant and a new burglary charge.
His pickup is still missing.
His pickup is still missing! Man, what a bonus kick in the nuts that must be. Granted, a well-deserved bonus kick in nuts, but some marble madness nonetheless. *banging gavel (stapler)* I sentence you to nine rounds with Florida Man in a gator pit.
Keep going for a short video news report which includes footage of the robber throwing something at the truck as the other thief peels off in it.
Thanks to Lana, who informed me it's good practice to never report your getaway car as stolen.