Finally, A Decent Raiders Of The Lost Ark Golden Fertility Idol Replica

August 8, 2019

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This is the 1:1 scale replica of the golden Chachapoyan Fertility Idol from the opening scene of Raiders Of The Lost Ark. The idol stands 7-inches tall, is made from polystone, weighs 1.16-pounds (presumably the same as the one in the movie since Indy POURS SOME SAND OUT OF HIS BAG LIKE A DUMBASS to match its weight), and the box it comes in says its gold plated but other sources say it's just gold color painted. It costs $96. Still -- how good is that thing gonna look on your fireplace mantle? So good I already took the initiative and bought you one and put it there. Pretty sweet, right? "What did you do with my grandmother's urn?" Oh is that what that was? I thought it was a Victorian bowling trophy.

Keep going for a handful more shots and the scene from the movie while I never realized there was a baby crawling out at the bottom.

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Thanks to speakerbox, who knows there's no way you're not getting pregnant with that thing watching over you in the bedroom.

  • Douchy McDouche

    Finally, something to compliment my giant rolling boulder of death.

  • GeneralDisorder

    I know the question on everyone's mind is "can I fuck it" and the answer is "yes, of course you can". Should you? Well, I have no idea. I'm not your dad...

  • JJtoob

    Makes me curious to know how many people want to fuck a woman in the middle of giving birth. Ok, I'm not that curious.

  • GeneralDisorder

    Gross! Hot! No, wait... just gross. The labor process pushes out shit and a baby. It's highly unsafe to bang any time after labor starts (too much risk of infection and the woman's not gonna like it)... Now... a little oral action might be a thing you can work out but when what if she clamps down during a contraction. That's bad news bears.

  • JimmyJam

    Wait, wasn't his mistake that he didn't pour out enough sand?

  • Jeedai Infidel

    Nope, it was supposed to be Viagra powder.

  • Closet Nerd

    [slowly backs out of room]

  • @reallyrealDonald

    It not worth it guys. I bought one of these and Paul Freeman came to my house and took it away.

  • ChungLingSoo

    Again we see there is nothing you can possess which I cannot take away.

  • Jill

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  • Draco Basileus

    "You could warn them, if only you spoke Hovitos."

  • Wooder

    Fertility idol that is definitely a biter....nope!

  • Emmitt Morgans

    I believe it's generally considered "bad form" in most societies to solicit oral sex from a woman who is in the process of giving birth.

  • The_Wretched

    Oh, I never caught on that it was a woman birthing. Props though. the reflections on the cheeks look like tears.

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