This is a video of Youtuber Jairus Of All discussing and demonstrating his homemade EDF (electric ducted fan) jet powered fire vortex cannon, which "uses a series of powerful fans and ductwork to spew forth a giant swirling column of fire." I am into it. Some might even argue a little too into it. "Put your pants back on." Haha, what? Come on. *quietly rebuckling belt*
Keep going for the video while I guesstimate how long it'll take to cook a hotdog with that thing.
Thanks again to Luc, who agrees there are very few problems a good fire can't solve.