Real Things Somebody Made: The Nose-Clip Mouth Curtain For Messy Eaters

May 2, 2019

the-food-curtain.jpg

Seen here being modeled by the son of Jake Gyllenhaal and Aaron Rodgers, this is a video demonstration of the jocular Food Curtain, a little curtain that clips to your septum and hangs over your mouth so you can eat without people judging you for never learning how to chew with your mouth closed. Although now they'll certainly be judging the ridiculous little curtain dangling from your nose. *shrug* You can't win them all. Or, if you're me, any. *shoots paper ball at wastebasket, misses, jumps for rebound accidentally landing on surge protector, killing computer and deleting all my work for today* Just take me now, Lord.

Keep going for the video.

Thanks to Closet Nerd, who agrees if you have to wear a Food Curtain, you can probably expect to be seated at the kids' table this Thanksgiving.

  • Mitchell Philip Karp

    Does this thing actually exist?!?

  • Jesus christ, haha... I saw the picture and all I could think was "Is that fucking Aaron Rodgers?" Glad to see we are still on the same page GW.

  • Tigerh8r

    The thing hanging from his nose is = as gross as eating with your mouth open.

  • Deksam

    Super Bowl football coaches might be the only market for this goldmine of an idea.

  • Jenness

    Wait, that dude is Jake's son? He looks older than Jake.

    I was too busy thinking about that to state the obvious that this has to be a joke, because we already know how these work, they are called face veils and the food gets on them and you end up breathing through moist fabric with rotting food particles in it and it leads to respiratory infections. If some company did this, they'd better be ready for lawsuits because anyone mentally deficient enough to think this is a good idea won't be smart enough to read or take the thing off after eating.

  • sizzlepants

    Real things that exist? Come on. From Wikipedia -

    Jungle Creations is a British digital media company that operates various channels including VT

    Did you really need to help them get more viewers? They only manage about 4 billion a month.

  • Bling Nye

    You gotta appropriately actualize cross functional applications, quickly strategize hyper-scale manufactured products, and completely visualize one-to-one core competencies in order to appropriately engage revolutionary e-business.

    This message bought to you by Corporate B.S. Generator.

  • jimmycleaver

    It ain't just for messy eaters, but for those who wish to hide their herpes in front of their date.

  • Stanley Smith III

    that's what she said

  • The_Wretched

    Created by a dom. No one else would think it's ok to have other people wear this.

  • Chew with your mouth closed, you're not a child!

  • Stanley Smith III

    that's what she said.

  • Closet Nerd

    "Who is 'Guy Meat Drapes?' "
    https://youtu.be/5GbV6INqRxw

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