Real Products That Exist: The Giant Key Keychain

May 14, 2019

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This is the $25 Key Key Chain Chain created and sold by Studio Cult Co. The giant key measures four-inches in length and will make all your regular keys feel inferior. Obviously, it's perfect for the person who wants to give the illusion of a flat boner in their pocket. Does it actually open a secret door somewhere? I doubt it. But maybe -- just maybe -- it's the key to my heart. "I thought that was pizza and beer." It is. "But can I stab you with it anyways?" Do what you must. Just a heads up though, don't be alarmed if my heart starts spewing waste instead of blood, because-- "Your cardiovascular system is basically a giant sewer." Exactly, you get it. Strike true my love.

Keep going for one more shot.

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Thanks to hairless, who agrees this is exactly how to convince all your friends you own a mansion.

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