How To: Mix A Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy Pan Galactic Gargle Blaster

May 29, 2019


This is a video from Youtube channel How To Drink (the funnel end goes in my butt, right?) detailing how to make a Pan Galactic Gargle Blaster from The Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy. As you may recall, the drink was invented by ex-President of the Universe Zaphod Beeblebrox and akin to "having your brains smashed in by a slice of lemon wrapped round a large gold brick," and he warned you should never have more than two, "unless you are a thirty ton mega elephant with bronchial pneumonia." The process of making an ACTUAL pan galactic gargle Blaster, for reference:

Take the juice from one bottle of Ol' Janx Spirit.

Pour into it one measure of water from the seas of Santraginus V -- Oh, that Santraginean seawater! Oh, those Santraginean fish!
Allow three cubes of Arcturan Mega-gin to melt into the mixture (it must be properly iced or the benzene is lost).
Allow four litres of Fallian marsh gas to bubble through it, in memory of all those happy hikers who have died of pleasure in the Marshes of Fallia.
Over the back of a silver spoon float a measure of Qualactin Hypermint extract, redolent of all the heady odours of the dark Qualactin Zones, subtle, sweet and mystic.
Drop in the tooth of an Algolian Suntiger. Watch it dissolve, spreading the fires of the Algolian Suns deep into the heart of the drink.
Sprinkle Zamphuor.
Add an olive.
Drink... but... very carefully...

Obviously, the version detailed in the video is made with ingredients that can actually be found on earth. I'm going to be honest though, it doesn't sound like a drink that's going to go down without puke coming up. Saline solution? Smoked bog peat? Fernet? Ugh. Plus I only drink gin when I really hate myself. "So that's what's in the mug." I'm so stupid, I can't stand it.

Keep going for the video.

Thanks again to K Diddie, who can't imagine this ends with a happy drunk.

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