Cockpit Transcript Released From Navy Pilots Who Drew A Giant Wiener In The Sky Above Washington

May 15, 2019


Thanks to a Freedom Of Information Act inquiry finally being used for good, a transcript of the Navy EA-18G Growler jet crew's conversation while drawing a giant penis in the sky above Washington state (links to previous post about the skywiener) has been made available to the public. The real meat of the conversation:

"You should totally try to draw a penis," the (pilot's cockpit partner, an electronic warfare office [EWO]) advised.

"I could definitely draw one, that would be easy," the pilot boasted. "I could basically draw a figure eight and turn around and come back. I'm gonna go down, grab some speed and hopefully get out of the contrail layer so they're not connected to each other...."

"Balls are going to be a little lopsided," the pilot advised.

"Balls are complete," he reported moments later. "I just gotta navigate a little bit over here for the shaft."

"Which way is the shaft going?" the EWO asked.

"The shaft will go to the left," the pilot answered.

"It's gonna be a wide shaft," the EWO noted.

"I don't wanna make it just like 3 balls," the pilot said.

"Let's do it," the EWO said. "Oh, the head of that penis is going to be thick."

The punishment for the crew responsible has not been released by the Navy, although I can only hope it involved taking a course in drawing human anatomy, because that is a very rudimentary penis. I mean, our ancestors drew more convincing penises in the caves where they slept, and they didn't even have jets.

Keep going for two shots of the member for reference.


Thanks to J Cove, who agrees precision flying is an important skill.

  • bumsukkwak

    Can you put that through the Joe Rogan voice synthesizer?

  • Allena Conrad

    Did the pilot
    Use his thrusters?

  • Allena Conrad

    This is nuts!

  • jimmycleaver

    Those two pilot jocks need to be castrated so next time they'll never do anything retarded again, and quit making us look like little people to them just because they know how to fucking fly a plane.

  • The_Wretched

    But did the rains come to slake a dry land?

  • WAIT!?! Tim Robbins was in TOP GUN?!?! WTF?

  • Suicide_Note

    Welcome to 1986.

  • Alf in pog form

    The consequences of their actions were bound to come to a head eventually. I'm just surprised it took this shlong.

  • Nicholas Conrad

    In Soviet russia they use penises to draw planes!

  • Bling Nye

    "You don't have time to think up there. If you think, you're dead."

  • Douchy McDouche

    I can imagine a lot of confused religious people looking up at the sky that day.

  • jimmycleaver

    Not just religious people. It's very retarded to draw a dick in the sky anyway.

  • Douchy McDouche

    Michelangelo drew a bunch of dicks on the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel and people praise it to this day. Imagine if he had access to an airplane...

  • GeneralDisorder

    Drawing dicks is a long standing military tradition from my understanding.

  • Ivanna Pewpalott

    thank you for your service

  • Roark

    I love knowing the process and motivation behind such a master class piece of Artwork

  • Closet Nerd

    Can't just draw the penis all willy nilly

  • Megatron Jenkins

    Yeah, that would be a dick move.

  • Doog

    That can happen if the pilot gets too cocky about his skills.

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