Safety First: Surplus Bulletproof Camo Codpieces

April 26, 2019


In dream modeling jobs news, these are the genuine British military issue blast shorts with Kevlar inserts available from Sportsman's Guide ("like new", $45). Obviously, the surplus penis protectors are more overwear than underwear, but don't let that stop you from wearing them bare-nuts come this year's 4th of July party. I mean you do want to be the life of the barbecue, don't you? PROTIP: Stop burning all the burgers, bro, pay attention to the grill. On a side note, my roommate actually bought a pair of these because he can't say no to a good military surplus deal and I removed the Kevlar inserts to make my own bulletproof eyepatches. God willing, he'll ask me to help him test his new underwear later.

Keep going for a couple more shots of the NEW going commando.



Thanks to Eric P, who informed me he's excited to finally going to upgrade from the empty toilet paper tube he's been using for protection.

  • Mike Gover

    >Genuine British military surplus
    >Get if for independence day

  • Chris

    To be fair, getting shot in the balls has always been a lifelong fear of mine, so maybe this is for me.

  • Doog

    An oddly specific fear, to be sure, but I absolutely understand. It's now a fear of mine that I had previously never even considered. It's honestly difficult to think of something worse right now

  • Douchy McDouche

    Does it also work as an adult diaper? Asking for a Navy Seal friend.

  • Doog

    If you get shot in the nuts even if it doesn't penetrate the armor you're gonna wish you were dead

  • GeneralDisorder

    HAHA!! Joke's on you! I already do! Well, I mean... not today. But sometimes.

  • Doog

    I hope you have someone you can talk to and that you haven't been shot in the privates.

  • Bling Nye
  • Closet Nerd

    My thoughts EXACTLY

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