In dream modeling jobs news, these are the genuine British military issue blast shorts with Kevlar inserts available from Sportsman's Guide ("like new", $45). Obviously, the surplus penis protectors are more overwear than underwear, but don't let that stop you from wearing them bare-nuts come this year's 4th of July party. I mean you do want to be the life of the barbecue, don't you? PROTIP: Stop burning all the burgers, bro, pay attention to the grill. On a side note, my roommate actually bought a pair of these because he can't say no to a good military surplus deal and I removed the Kevlar inserts to make my own bulletproof eyepatches. God willing, he'll ask me to help him test his new underwear later.
Keep going for a couple more shots of the NEW going commando.
Thanks to Eric P, who informed me he's excited to finally going to upgrade from the empty toilet paper tube he's been using for protection.