Safety First: Surplus Bulletproof Camo Codpieces

April 26, 2019

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In dream modeling jobs news, these are the genuine British military issue blast shorts with Kevlar inserts available from Sportsman's Guide ("like new", $45). Obviously, the surplus penis protectors are more overwear than underwear, but don't let that stop you from wearing them bare-nuts come this year's 4th of July party. I mean you do want to be the life of the barbecue, don't you? PROTIP: Stop burning all the burgers, bro, pay attention to the grill. On a side note, my roommate actually bought a pair of these because he can't say no to a good military surplus deal and I removed the Kevlar inserts to make my own bulletproof eyepatches. God willing, he'll ask me to help him test his new underwear later.

Keep going for a couple more shots of the NEW going commando.

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Thanks to Eric P, who informed me he's excited to finally going to upgrade from the empty toilet paper tube he's been using for protection.

  • Mike Gover

    >Genuine British military surplus
    >Get if for independence day

  • Chris

    To be fair, getting shot in the balls has always been a lifelong fear of mine, so maybe this is for me.

  • Doog

    An oddly specific fear, to be sure, but I absolutely understand. It's now a fear of mine that I had previously never even considered. It's honestly difficult to think of something worse right now

  • Douchy McDouche

    Does it also work as an adult diaper? Asking for a Navy Seal friend.

  • Doog

    If you get shot in the nuts even if it doesn't penetrate the armor you're gonna wish you were dead

  • GeneralDisorder

    HAHA!! Joke's on you! I already do! Well, I mean... not today. But sometimes.

  • Doog

    I hope you have someone you can talk to and that you haven't been shot in the privates.

  • Bling Nye
  • Closet Nerd

    My thoughts EXACTLY

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