Denver Airport Installs Interactive, Talking Gargoyle To Embrace The Conspiracy Theories About The Airport

March 4, 2019

For those of you unaware, the Denver International Airport has been a hotbed of conspiracy theories for quite some time thanks to its runway layout, alleged underground facilities, unusual art (including freaky murals, a giant horse statue with glowing red eyes, and gargoyles), and dedication stone. Oh, plus a bunch of nutjobs -- you can't perpetuate conspiracies without crazy people. And this is a video of the interactive talking gargoyle statue operated by a full-time employee whose job it is to entertain the people passing by it in the newly constructed Jeppesen Terminal. FUN FACT: I actually applied for the position but wasn't hired because my demo video was "not really the sort of light-hearted comedy we were looking for," and "mostly just a solo sex tape." Admittedly, I had been wondering where that had gone, and now the Illuminati have it. Some day this is turning out to be.

Keep going for the video while I argue that, while talking gargoyles are cool, restrooms that don't smell like fifty kinds of diarrhea would be even cooler.

Thanks again to hairless, who agrees it's only a matter of time until that gargoyle starts asking people to smuggle it somewhere in a suitcase.

  • Douchy McDouche

    Yeah, that'll definitely help the people with flight anxiety.

  • Adibobea9

    Gargoyles are fine, it's gremlins you need to worry about…

  • nik

    Only a matter of time until someone tries to f*ck it.

  • Nicholas Conrad

    Full time employee? Yeah, let's see how long until they replace them with a mildly racist AI. I give it 6 months.

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  • Corky McButterpants

    How come all you bitches got middle initials!?
    Now fuck off.

  • Corky McButterpants

    OK. I'll be that guy.
    That's a grotesque... a gargoyle is a part of the water drainage system.
    I'll see myself out :P

  • GeneralDisorder

    Wait! Does that mean the whole tv show Gargoyles was bullshit? Dammit!

  • D3Fd0ck

    I'll be that guy, the guy whos full time just screwing around with random people!

  • Closet Nerd

    NEVER trust a talking gargoyle.... only trust the stone faced ones

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