Denver Airport Installs Interactive, Talking Gargoyle To Embrace The Conspiracy Theories About The Airport

March 4, 2019

For those of you unaware, the Denver International Airport has been a hotbed of conspiracy theories for quite some time thanks to its runway layout, alleged underground facilities, unusual art (including freaky murals, a giant horse statue with glowing red eyes, and gargoyles), and dedication stone. Oh, plus a bunch of nutjobs -- you can't perpetuate conspiracies without crazy people. And this is a video of the interactive talking gargoyle statue operated by a full-time employee whose job it is to entertain the people passing by it in the newly constructed Jeppesen Terminal. FUN FACT: I actually applied for the position but wasn't hired because my demo video was "not really the sort of light-hearted comedy we were looking for," and "mostly just a solo sex tape." Admittedly, I had been wondering where that had gone, and now the Illuminati have it. Some day this is turning out to be.

Keep going for the video while I argue that, while talking gargoyles are cool, restrooms that don't smell like fifty kinds of diarrhea would be even cooler.

Thanks again to hairless, who agrees it's only a matter of time until that gargoyle starts asking people to smuggle it somewhere in a suitcase.

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