Real Products That Exist (And Probably Should): Shittens, Mitten Style Moist Wipes

February 12, 2019


These are Shittens, mitten style moist wipes that can be used for cleaning babies, pets, or yourself -- the applications are practically limitless! I'm going to wear them the next time I eat barbecue! "No you're not." Nevermind, my mom says I'm not going to do that. Some product info while lick the lemon scent out of a wet-nap:

No One Wants Poop On Their Hands... Clean Up Any Mess With Shittens™

Shittens are the revolutionary new way to wipe up and clean up feces while protecting your hands

Shittens are disposable, mitten-shaped moist wipes. While old fashioned, square wet wipes put your hands at risk for all kinds of accidental fecal contamination, the genius mitten shape of a Shitten provides not only safety from poop, but on a larger scale, emotional peace of mind.

Safe for babies, pets and adults.

Each Package Includes 20 Disposable Mitten-Shaped Moist Wipes

Unfortunately, a package of 20 costs $20, making them *crunching the numbers* a little more than 99 cents apiece. That is not cheap. Still, can you really put a price on not accidentally getting poop on your hand? Yes you can, and that price is the cost of five squares of toilet paper -- anything more and you should risk it.

Thanks again to Closet Nerd, who agrees getting poop on your hand is one of the universal human experiences that ties us all together. Just embrace it.

  • Kelly

    Or you could just but a bidet attachment for $25 or so and install it on your tiolet in 20 minutes.

  • Bling Nye

    "I couldn't find any toilet paper, so I used your mitten. It's got shit on it."

    "Hold on, 'shit mitten'... that gives me an idea..."

  • Douchy McDouche

    "No One Wants Poop On Their Hands..."


  • Wild Man of Wongo

    Yes, by all means, let's make the wet wipes that are already clogging up the sewer systems of the world even bulkier.

  • That is a terrible name.

  • Bling Nye


  • GeneralDisorder

    I'm guessing this is for people who have problems with manual dexterity. Good thinking. Stupid marketing.

  • Closet Nerd

    You can use them to clean your face or your ass.... just make sure you don't clean your face after you clean your ass with it. #dyslexia

  • Andyman7714

    I see people....standing there...trying to figure out how to get this shitty glove off of their hand.

  • sizzlepants

    Same way you take off a dirty rubber glove? Grab it by the wrist and pull it down while turning it inside out.

    It's like you've never cleaned your bathroom before.

  • Andyman7714

    No, I've seen other people's bathrooms and I still see them standing there...trying to figure out how to get this shitty glove off of their hand.

  • Irina Abramovich


    My kitten pooped in my closet............

  • Deksam

    I actually saw a bingo dauber with an outright swearword on them on the shelves at a store once...
    Here it is actually... https://dusterbed.files.wor...

    Ha! No one can rightfully say "1st" on this post anymore.

    Not so Bonus Material:
    "The Three Little Kittens, They Lost Their Shittens,"
    The three little kittens, they lost their shittens,
    And they began to cry,
    "Oh, mother dear, we sadly fear,
    That we have lost our shittens."
    "What! Lost your shittens, you naughty kittens!
    Then you shall have no hair pie."
    "Meow, meow, meow."
    "Then you shall have no hair pie."

    The three little kittens, they found their shittens,
    And they began to cry,
    "Oh, mother dear, see here, see here,
    For we have found our shittens."
    "Put on your shittens, you silly kittens,
    And you shall have some hair pie."
    "Purr, purr, purr,
    Oh, let us have some hair pie."

    The three little kittens put on their shittens,
    And soon ate up the hair pie,
    "Oh, mother dear, we greatly fear,
    That we have soiled our shittens."
    "What, soiled your shittens, you naughty kittens!"
    Then they began to sigh,
    "Meow, meow, meow,"
    Then they began to sigh.

    The three little kittens, they washed their shittens,
    And hung them out to dry,
    "Oh, mother dear, do you not hear,
    That we have washed our shittens?"
    "What, washed your shittens, then you're good kittens,
    But I smell a rat close by."
    "Meow, meow, meow,
    We smell a rat fink close by."

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