Making coffee: like crying in the shower wishing you didn't have to go to work, it's a morning ritual. Enter the $40 Doctor Who TARDIS Coffee Press available from ThinkGeek and Gamestop. It can press up to 34-ounces of go-go juice and looks like a cylindrical version of the Doctor's time-and-space traveling TARDIS. Don't drink coffee? No worries, just empty a couple cans of Red Bull in there and press some more taurine into them. "Why would I do that?" I don't know, why are you drinking Red Bull for breakfast in the first place? "The same reason you're drinking coffee." To poop before you leave the house so you don't have an accident in public?!
Keep going for a few more shots.
Thanks to Cyndi M, who informed me if she was rich enough she would take hot coffee showers in the morning. Heck yeah, and slam some creamer from a shampoo bottle?