KFC's Hybrid Colonel Sanders/Bearskin Rug Abominations

February 11, 2019

kfc-colonel-skin-rug-1.jpg

Just in time for Valentine's Day comes these Kentucky Fried Chicken Colonel Sanders/faux bearskin rugs. Three of the rugs were given away in separate Reddit contests in which entrants had to draw, Photoshop, or write the rug into a scene. Unfortunately, I haven't heard back about my story, which is a shame because it had everything (namely insane boners, gravy, and greasy fingers -- the perfect ingredients for any good erotic short story and/or lunch). So....yeah -- if the photo looks like something you've ever fantasized about, just give me a minute to look through my phone and I'll text you my therapist's number.

Keep going for one more shot of a rug sans couple about to do the nasty nastiest.

kfc-colonel-skin-rug-2.jpg

Thanks to my friend Jackie, who agrees the rug should at least come with a supply of chocolate-covered popcorn chicken for feeding to your lover in front of a roaring fire.

  • Douchy McDouche

    Whoever staged that photo lacks knowledge of color usage and composition because the rug is the last thing you notice.

  • That is true - but when you do... http://replygif.net/i/1023.gif

  • Captain Matticus, LP Inc.

    Why am I just hearing about this? I just read the "top" entries on the /reddit thread and they're all awful. I think that I could have legitimately won this.

  • Geekologie

    I believe in you (retroactively)

  • You mean you'd actually want one of those hideous rugs?!
    http://www.quickmeme.com/im...

  • Captain Matticus, LP Inc.

    You wouldn't want one?! I'd hang it on the wall and it would be an heirloom of my house forever.

  • Eric Ord
  • Eric Ord

    It's because the UK! :)

  • Wooder

    In reality it would be two obese KFC lovers trying to fit on the rug, while getting grease stains all over it and plucking fake fur out of the cracks...

    Excuse me while I cut out my eyes over that visual.

  • digidude

    Sanders grew to resent KFC corporate, and his family has issue with the way his likeness is used. Hard to see why.

  • Captain Matticus, LP Inc.

    I regret that I have but one like to give.

  • Frédéric Purenne

    Each time I read about KFC's marketing ploys, I remember they actually have to do this if they want to sell any of their horrible... let's say "offers of the chicken variety" since I can't really call that food.

  • GeneralDisorder

    You can still call it food because chickens are made of food and they use chickens. That doesn't necessarily mean it's "safe for human consumption" though.

  • Frédéric Purenne

    Absolutely NOTHING is inherently food. You need parts of animals or plants, minerals and other organic materials to produce food. Transformation is sometimes essential, other times optional. Sometimes even poisons are other animals' main diet.

    Chicken isn't food, we kill them, skin them and extract the meat that you English speaking people call poultry from the french word "poule" ou "poulet", because apparently your language needs to differentiate the animal from the meat it is composed of, (we just call it chicken meat or actually name the muscle part) and the meat isn't considered food until you can consume it. I bring this up because there's studies about the dissociation of meat and the animals from which it comes from in the States that are totally non-existent in other spoken culture where there's no different words for them.

    Now there's plenty of killing, skinning and transformation occurring at KFC, I'll grant you that, but I'll never insult your intelligence and call it food.

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