How Whimsical: Reusable Elephant Drinking Straws

February 14, 2019


Because who hasn't dreamed of drinking out of an animal's nose, these are the Elephant Straws allegedly available for pre-order (minimum order of 12 but there's no price when I put them in my cart so I don't know what the hell is going on I just want my damn straws) from UK online retailer Paladone. The reusable straws consist of two separate segments for easy cleaning, and make it look like there's an elephant at the bottom of your glass of your Juicy Juice or cocktail. No word if the bottom hole is in the elephant's foot or belly, but hopefully it's in the foot so you can actually drink to the bottom of the glass. Otherwise that's just poor product design. And you know how I feel about poor product design. "It makes you angry." Worse *plowing through box of Samoa Girl Scout Cookies* it makes me HANGRY. It's the reason I'm fat. "I don't think you can blame poor produc--" IT'S THE REASON I'M FAT, END OF DISCUSSION.

Keep going for one more shot while I blow bubbles in my chocolate milk and daydream I'm Willy Wonka.


Thanks to Alyssa, who agrees the only good thing about straws is watching people try to find them with their mouth and tongue without looking and keep missing.

  • Geekinghippo

    As a 32 year old man i approve this device for your drinking needs and or get looked at in a very weird way while you submerge the elephant in your 64oz Coke at 7 AM

  • BookCake

    Works best if this was made in Ivory

  • Closet Nerd

    Can we do an "[Elephant] Centipede" type jawn?

  • Closet Nerd

    Reminds me of the NoseFrida [used to suck snot out of your kid's nose]

  • David Horchak

    The reason your heavier? Every year tons of space debris are trapped by Earths gravitational pull. That makes the planet heavier and increases it gravitational pull. This increases the weight of everything. At least that's my story and I'm sticking to it.

  • Ez

    "No word if the bottom hole is in the elephant's foot or belly"-- It doesn't show the back of the elephant, I don't know about this.

  • Douchy McDouche

    This is all cute and fun until several months later you realize every sip comes with a dose of delicious bacteria that's been building up inside.

  • Bling Nye

    "The reusable straws consist of two separate segments for easy cleaning."

    Let's call it natural selection.

  • Deksam

    A Brontosaurus could work too.

  • Corky McButterpants

    When you realise you're really drinking through its arse!

  • Bling Nye

    When the outflow becomes the inflow...

    Now I want to see this product design reversed, have the elephant perching on the rim of the glass with its butthole up in the air and its trunk down into the glass. Because why the fuck not if this already exists.

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