Woman Banned From Walmart After Drinking Wine Out Of A Pringles Can, Driving Electric Shopping Cart Around Parking Lot For 3 Hours

January 14, 2019


Note: Hey guys, in case you didn't notice because you don't love me nearly enough the site was out all morning. I continued to write in a Microsoft Word knockoff but it crashed and I lost all the dumbass stuff I wrote. At any rate, I'm gonna go for a nice long cry in the shower and I'll be back tomorrow for a re-do.

Because some people aren't afraid to grab life by the horns and live their dream, a Texas woman was recently banned from her local Walmart after being caught drinking wine out of a Pringles can (after all, once you pop, you can't stop) and driving an electric shopping cart around the parking lot for "about three hours." What a magnificent creature.

Police tell the Times Record News that officers responded to a suspicious person call at about 9 a.m. Friday at a Walmart in Wichita Falls, about 125 miles northwest of Dallas.

Wichita Falls police spokesman Jeff Hughes says the woman had reportedly been riding the electric cart around the parking lot for about three hours.

Hughes says police eventually found the woman in a nearby restaurant and told her not to return to the store.

Police say the woman wasn't arrested and her name was not released.

The ol' wine out of a Pringles can before 9 a.m. -- classic. And she wasn't arrested? Kinda makes me want to move to Texas. Only kinda though. Still, no word when exactly this woman relocated from Florida or what sort of crazy hijincks her boyfriend is up to, but I for one can't wait to find out.

Thanks to my buddy Closet Nerd, who agrees this woman is an inspiration to us all.

  • The_Wretched

    I'm glad she was living her truth. Everyone else be damned, she had a good time and that's what counts in this life.

  • Closet Nerd

    You can't drink "all day" if you don't start in the morning....

  • tim

    I'm kinda surprised that you are using an offline word processor...don't you have a stable enough internet connection to permit complaining about your roommate Derek in the cloud-based permanence known as Google Docs?

  • Douchy McDouche

    You mean it's a crime to drive an electric cart around the parking lot for about three hours? Oh I'm sorry, I thought this was America!

  • Titty McNipplefondler

    Who are we to judge this saint

  • Jenness

    So she's out there boozing it up from 6am to 9am in an electric cart but the cops ended up finding her eating herself sober in a restaurant?

    Is that what they call a doughnut shop in Wichita?

    I personally think banning her is a ridiculous considering they don't ban shoplifters, the people who fight inside the stores, people who show up in the stores naked like you see on that People of Walmart website. She was at least outside in a cart. LOL

  • Tigerh8r

    I think they ban shoplifters, but let's face it, when there are ten per day I think they have a hard time keeping up with them.

  • Eric Ord

    How can I make atheistgirl jealous? Is it by tripping Meh?

  • James Mcelroy

    You could kill yourself and deprive her of the pleasure. She'd be super jealous.

  • Eric Ord

    Why such hostility?! You must just be a really hostile person!

  • Ivanna Pewpalott

    Hilldog is still spiraling from the election i see

  • If you get banned from Walmart...you might be a Redneck...
    And an idiot...and probably inbred.

  • Big Dog on Krampus

    that's basically a death sentence for them

  • Doog

    Florida strikes agai....Texas?

    Go home Texas you're drunk.

  • roehlstation

    That is a Texas Shot Glass

  • James Mcelroy

    Also, the call came in at 9AM, so, if i calculate correctly, she was out there around 6AM, getting that pringle party started.

  • Big Dog on Krampus

    once you pop, you just can't stop

  • Beard

    I did indeed notice, and that sucks. Good luck tomorrow, GW.

  • Doog

    I genuinely thought my internet was out for awhile today.

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