These are $30 Storage Soles, a pair of foam shoe inserts with small removable hidden compartments on the bottom for stashing cash, keys, drugs, or GOVERNMENT SECRETS (hopefully alien stuff!). The inserts are only available in size 12, but are marked to be cut all the way down to a size 8. You a size 7 or below? Looks like you're still stuck hiding things in your butt like a normal person. PROTIP: Always leave a string hanging out. Trust me, you'll thank me when you're locked out of your apartment but don't need to go.
Keep going for several more shots, including one of somebody who clearly doesn't want anybody finding their Advil and Tylenol and daily multivitamin.
Thanks to Chris C, who just had his mom sew little pockets into all his underwear.