Sounds About Right: Florida Man Attacks Father With Pizza After Finding Out His Dad Helped Deliver Him At Birth

January 7, 2019

father-son-pizza-attack.jpg

Because Florida Man's mind works differently than most people's, Robert Houston of Holiday, Florida was recently arrested for attacking his father with a pizza after finding out his dad helped deliver him when he was born. *wielding medium two-topping menacingly* What do you mean you got to cut the cord?!

Houston's father told deputies he was returning home from a walk when his son picked up the pizza from the delivery man and proceeded to shove the pie in his face, hold him down and yell at him.


"The victim began to flail around trying to get the defendant off him at which point the defendant went outside and awaited law enforcement," the arrest report stated.

Houston later told police he "threw pizza at his dad's face striking him with it due to him being mad his dad helped give birth to him," WTSP reported.

It's unclear why the information caused him to attack his father.

Oh, Florida Man, you never fail to amuse and confuse. So -- do think he was pissed his dad saw his mom's privates? Or maybe that he wasn't really flown in by storks like he was led to believe his whole life? And how did he even get this information? Whatever the case, please don't tell him what his parents had to do to create him in the first place or I'm afraid everyone is going to bed hungry tonight.

Thanks to The Carlos, who agrees that's an almost sinful waste of perfectly good pizza.

  • Chris

    With the current trend of superhero movies, isn't it about time Florida Man got a big budget Hollywood blockbuster adaptation of his own?

  • Megatron Jenkins

    Couldn't be as bad as Meteor Man....

  • GeneralDisorder

    That's a strange reason to fight your own father. He should have just eaten the pizza and when his dad gets home just beat his chest and grunt to assert his dominance.

  • DC Madman

    I'm guessing he wishes he wasn't born and now has someone to blame beside himself.

  • Megatron Jenkins
  • The_Wretched

    We should be praising this guy. I'm sure he would have used a gun or gator were they near by. Rather than concealed guns, we should hand out concealed pizzas.

  • Ollie Williams

    What a waste of a delicious pizza.

  • Corky McButterpants

    Sooo, the pizza represents a... placenta here? And he's mad at dad, cos he wished he'd never been born... in Florida? Wait. What?

  • Ollie Williams

    Trying to find reason in the mental capacity of someone living in Florida is a futile effort.

  • Douchy McDouche

    Wait till he finds out the guy also had sex with his mom!

  • Tigerh8r

    Wait till he finds out EVERYBODY did...

  • He... so.

    Wait. What?

    Fucking Florida man does it again. I'm speechless.

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