Say What Now?: Man Admits To Injecting Own Sperm Into Arm To Treat Lower Back Pain

January 17, 2019


Because who says you can't make your own medicine, a 33-year old Irish man has admitted to doctors that he's been injecting his own semen into his arm at least once a month for the past year and a half to treat chronic lower back pain. Now that's a hell of a home remedy. My back would have to be so broken I could see it looking straight forward before I tried that.

While the man had a history of chronic low back pain, a further examination revealed a red rash on his right upper arm - and the patient subsequently admitted he had been injecting himself with his own semen for a year and a half.

"He had devised this 'cure' independent of any medical advice.

"Upon this occasion the patient had injected three 'doses' of semen intra-vascularly and intra-muscularly," it said.

Doctors found that the semen had leaked into the soft tissue in the man's arm.

"This patient's back pain improved over the course of his inpatient stay and he opted to discharge himself without availing of an incision and drainage of the local collection," the authors noted.

First of all, was it working? And secondly, who comes up with this stuff? I mean, how does a man possibly decide to inject his own semen into his arm to treat lower back pain? It doesn't make any sense. Unless -- UNLESS -- he asked a coworker like me how to treat lower back pain, and that coworker looked him dead in the eye, leaned in, and whispered 'Inject your own semen into your arm.' Admittedly, I could see myself telling somebody that.

Thanks to Thaylor H and K Diddie, who want to know if he even bothered eating his own boogers or drinking some of his blood first, or if he just went straight to the semen.

  • James Mcelroy

    Hey Derek, you know what's good for back pain? If you lick my butthole.

  • Closet Nerd

    Scared to see what he does for a sore throat!
    *rim shot*

  • It doesn't work.
    Trust me.

  • Bling Nye

    *rim shot job*


  • Closet Nerd

    Laughing my ass off in my office!!!!!!

  • Captain Matticus, LP Inc.

    What an idiot. You can't use your own semen. You need to use someone else's semen. And injecting it in the arm wouldn't work. It needs to be injected near the place where the pain is occurring. If his lower back is hurting, then that's where the love nectar lumbar anesthetic needs to be administered. And for about 3.50, in the right parts of Dublin, one could find a fella' or two who'd love to help.

  • Bling Nye

    Easiest access for application to the spine is through the butthole.

  • Captain Matticus, LP Inc.

    I concur, Dr. Nye.

  • FearlessFarris

    Is that all he'd get paid in Dublin?

  • Captain Matticus, LP Inc.

    That's all he'd need to pay.

  • Douchy McDouche

    What an idiot. Everyone knows to cure chronic back pain you inject the semen into your eyeball.

  • Titty McNipplefondler

    Do you expect him to just let his lonely fun time juice go to waste?

  • SmokeThatSkinWagon
  • "an incision and drainage of the local collection"

    I gagged.

  • joe

    They drained his load.

  • Jenness

    "First of all, was it working?" That's what I want to know. It's amazing what people will do to get just a bit of relief when traditional medicine fails them. Chronic pain is not joke. I feel for the guy. Pretty sure you have to be in agony before you get to the "Fuck it, I'm going to give myself a nut butter injection - what do I have to lose?"

  • GeneralDisorder

    I think he misunderstood what stem cells are.

  • Ollie Williams

    I would assume if he was doing it for a year and a half, it must have been doing something. Or, he was literally insane, which is an option too.

  • Mike Gover

    If he ended up at the doctors for help, I'm going to say it wasn't working.

  • Ivanna Pewpalott

    "he opted to discharge himself"

    "who comes up with this stuff'

    i see what u did there

  • Bling Nye

    You saw it coming.

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