Police Department Seeks Drunk Volunteers So They Can Practice Giving Field Sobriety Tests

January 17, 2019


The Kutztown Police Department of Pennsylvania is seeking volunteers willing to get drunk so officers can practice administering field sobriety tests. As tipster Closet Nerd pointed out to me, this sounds an awful lot like a trap. Nice try, Klutztown, but, wait -- free alcohol? Okay I'll do it. The requirements while I aim to be the wastedest volun that's ever teered:

The Kutztown Police Department is looking for three (3) volunteers to assist us in training officers to administer Standardized Field Sobriety Tests during suspected DUI traffic stops. The volunteers must be available on April 4, 2019 between 2:30PM and 7PM. Alcohol will be provided however you will not receive any compensation for your time. In order to be eligible you must meet the below criteria:

Volunteer requirements:

1. Be in good health between the ages of 25 and 40 with no history of drug or alcohol abuse
2. Clean criminal history
3. Be willing to drink hard liquor to the point of inebriation
4. Sign a waiver releasing the Borough of Kutztown of any liability
5. Have a sober/responsible party take care and control after the training.

Wait -- so do you have to meet all of those requirements or is three out of five okay? I mean that is a majority. Asking for a friend that, fine, might only meet two of the requirements. Okay just one, I hate signing things. I mean he -- he hates signing things. Arthritis or something.

Thanks again to Closet Nerd, who informed me can smell a trap from a mile away, and a microwaved Hot Pocket from even further.

  • Sayahh

    As Admiral Ackbar would say, "it's a trap!"

  • Jenness

    I want to do this so badly. This is basically a license to show up, looking all prim and miss proper and then turn into the most foul mouthed "Lookit, I'm doing doughnuts.... get it....Bwah hah hah hah ....Doughnuts you coppers!!" while going nuts HAHAHAH

  • Konstantin

    I hope you will have had foresight to make sure it ends up on YouTube, because we, and I think I'm speaking for most of us here, all want to see that.

  • Jenness

    But of course! YouTube wont' be complete without video of me getting curb-stomped.

  • etxzombie

    I have actually done this for our local poilce academy. They got a group of us completely trashed and then had recruits come in and do their field sobriety tests. I actuallty managed to trick like three of the five teams into thinking I was sober.

  • Bling Nye

    This is the only reason I'd want to participate, is to fool them.

  • GeneralDisorder

    Huh... Kutztown. Makes sense.

  • Big Dog on Krampus

    Am i available to get drunk at 2:30PM on a Thursday afternoon? I was gonna be doing that anyway.

  • Ollie Williams

    I'm going to do it, and then take extra shots and get violent. Hoping for a taser. Wish me luck.

  • Bling Nye

    If you followed requirement number 4, you're gonna have a bad time...

  • Closet Nerd

    Careful Ollie,
    dark skin + violence + police doesn't always work out for the best....

  • Closet Nerd

    What are you gonna pick? HOT POCKETS!!!!!

  • Nicholas Conrad

    Nice work!

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