Because Florida Man occasionally gets the urge to migrate (often due to outstanding warrants in his home state), this is a clip of California Man Roberto Daniel Arroyo inappropriately licking a Salinas family's doorbell (not that there's really any appropriate way to lick a doorbell) over the course OF THREE HOURS. Drugs: they make you do things. "I think he's in love." I really hope not. I also really hope he just thought he was taking a tour of the lickable portion of Willy Wonka's Chocolate Factory.
Keep going for the video, but you really don't need to see it, trust me.
Thanks to K Diddie and MSA, who both agree if you have to choose a bear or this guy at your doorbell, always choose the bear.