These are the 5-pound Kentucky Fried Chicken 11 Herbs And Spices fried chicken scented firelogs. They're a real product you can buy HERE for $19, like I don't already know what I'm gonna have diarrhea in two hours smells like:
Made with 100 percent recycled materials, the KFC 11 Herbs & Spices Firelog from Enviro-Log is dramatically less wasteful and significantly more effective at making your home smell like fried chicken than burning actual fried chicken.
- Each Firelog can burn up to 2.5-3 hours.
- Can be stored and no shelf life. Store in a safe, dry area away from pets.
- May result in a craving for fried chicken. We know the fire log smells great, but please do not attempt to eat it.
- May attract bears or neighbors who are hungry.
- Please don't put face directly into fire in attempt to smell fried chicken.
Wait -- do you think they'll really attract bears? Asking for a frenemy with an accessible chimney that's throwing a holiday party I wasn't invited to. Awww, everyone got eaten like giant drumsticks in ugly Christmas sweaters? That's so sad.
Keep going for a couple more shots.
Thanks to my friend Jackie, who agrees a house that smells like greasy fried chicken is apparently like the witch's candy house to Hansel and Gretel for some people.