This is the $25 Corgi Butt Heated Pillow. It's charged via USB, heats for 4 - 6 hours on a charge, and takes 1 - 2 hours to recharge. You do the math. "I sit directly under an air conditioning vent at work." Same here. But you know what I did? "Bought a corgi butt heated pillow?" What? No. I came into the office on a weekend and crawled through the ventilation system and sealed the duct above my cubicle with expanding foam insulation. "Nice, how'd that work out?" Somehow I started a fire. "Oh dear." Plus I fell through the ceiling into the conference room. Thankfully this office doesn't have any security cameras. *gets call from HR* Okay apparently they're just well hidden.
Keep going for a couple more shots. FIRE SAFETY TIP: Don't fart into it.
Thanks to Rich, who agrees lowering your sperm-count is all the rage these days.