This is the entirely too expensive $45 fallen AT-AT tape dispenser created by Hallmark (of greeting card fame). It looks like an AT-AT that just got tow-cabled on Hoth and dispenses tape. Do I need it? No, nobody needs it. Do I want it? More than a bigger penis. "I see." What do you mean you see? You're supposed to say it's already perfect.
Keep going for a shot from the rear.
Thanks to Rich, who agrees nothing quite says "I've made it" like a $45 tape dispenser on your desk.