Because this is the internet and the internet is full of the best and worst ideas ever (this being one of the best, just to be clear), this is a 25-second video created by Twitter user Sam Fletcher of a corkscrew/bottle opener fulfilling its lifelong dream of riding a roller coaster, all from the safety of Sam's living room. It looks like a great time. Way greater a time than actually carrying your corkscrew friend onto a roller coaster and accidentally stabbing yourself after a sharp turn. How are you going to explain that the to the first-aid staff at Six Flags? SPOILER: A bird must have dropped it. That's really your only option.
Keep going for the whole video while I watch first person POV roller coaster clips on Youtube and make Greg jerk my chair around to the movement.
Thanks to Devon, who agrees if Mr. Knife tells you he wants to ride a roller coaster, it's probably in your best interest to tell him he doesn't meet the height requirement.