Real Products That Exist: An Armored, Bulletproof Liquor Cabinet

October 31, 2018

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Because booze is precious, this is the Whiskey Vault. It's basically a safe for your expensive booze with a bulletproof viewing window. Some more info while I plug the sink the break room and mix up a sink-full of witch's brew, then go bobbing for somebody else's lunch in the fridge:

The Whiskey Vault with a solid steel plate construction, bullet-proof glass, and a tri-spoke handle machined from aircraft aluminum. The interior is illuminated by LED lights, while the unit is equipped with an UL Certified LA GARD electronic locking system. It sits on a solid wood cabinet with 800kg capacity leveling casters and can hold up to 40 bottles of the finest whiskey. Each vault is individually numbered and custom built to order.

Prices start at $6,000 and go up from there based on customization. Obviously, if I ever see one of these I'll start planning an Ocean's 11 style heist immediately, which may or may not involve drilling a hole near the bottom of the glass, shaking the cabinet to break all the bottles, then letting all that sweet, brown liquor trickle into my mouth. Oooooor crushing myself to death under a liquor safe. Either way, I think we can all agree I'll die with certified hero status.

Keep going for a couple more product shots.

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Thanks to v, who agrees the best liquor cabinet has been and always will be your parents' when you were in high school.

  • GeneralDisorder

    Considering the flash point of alcohol is a scant 61 degrees Frankenstein (that's 16 science for your commie rat bastards in the great white shit-hole of hoth and... pretty much everyone else in the world)... It makes sense to armor your high test.

  • scott19

    The best place to store liquor is in my belly.

  • Jenness

    I don't get this either. It's like someone giving me one of those wine corks to 'save' my leftover wine - I'm like "What the hell are you talking about?"

  • Eric Ord

    FIRST

    PS Threats to booze is Meh's constant, unnecessary personal attacks

    Booze is me

    Safe is the Geekologie message boards, AM I RIGHT PEOPLE???

  • Eric Ord

    ;)

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