Take That!: Seal Slaps Kayaker Across Face With Octopus

September 26, 2018

This is a short video of a seal who's clearly tired of humans constantly polluting the oceans and decides to let us all know how it feels by popping out of the water off the shore of Kaikoura, New Zealand and slapping a kayaker in the face with an octopus. Obviously, it would have been even better if its tentacles sucked his sunglasses off, then a week later somebody filmed an octopus on the seafloor wearing sunglasses and selling drugs to young starfish.

Keep going for the whole video while I call Aquaman on his shellphone to see if he's taking responsibility for the attack. You know how he's always spouting that 'The seas will rise again!' rhetoric.

Thanks to Manbo, who agrees it's incredibly rude to refuse a seal's gift of the freshest sushi.

  • GeneralDisorder

    There's something fishy about this video.

  • Talon184

    Just when I thought the I had seen all there is to see, the Internet shows up with a gif of a seal slapping a kayaker with an octopus...ah, these are fine times to be livin' in.

  • jimmycleaver

    Okay, at first I thought the seal was being rude, but these 'bros' are so fucking loud and annoying that nature is trying to tell them to shut up.

  • Nick Pappagiorgio

    I've not said it before, but I want to thank you, GW, for including a GIF of the most important parts of so many stories so I don't have to actually watch the videos.included. A true champion for the people.

  • Megatron Jenkins

    A light shining in darkness!

  • Bling Nye

    Never challenge a seal to fishticuffs, they'll end ya right quick with the ol' calamari chop, aka, the tako slam.

  • Jenness

    I like this because they can be turned into euphemisms for erotic acts.

  • The_Wretched

    Only if you're into rough body play.

  • Jenness

    They seem like screeching jackasses that deserve to be attacked by the wildlife.

  • Big Dog on Krampus

    this must be the seal equivalent to the throwing a boot at the alley-cat cliche

  • Jenness

    I agree

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