Finally, A Candle That Smells Like Chinese Takeout

September 10, 2018


This is the $25 Takeout Candle. Each 16-ounce,100% soy candle burns for 80 hours and allegedly captures the essence of Chinese takeout. I'll be the judge of that. "You're gonna eat it, aren't you?" Just a nibble.

If someone opens a carton of Chinese food within 100 feet of us we end up drifting over like a cartoon character carried by the aroma. While ordering takeout every day is tempting, we think we've developed a more financially viable way to enjoy that scent. The Takeout Candle packs similar notes of soy, lemongrass and ginger so you can light the candle and bask in that glory. You could leave that carton of lo mein out for days on end, but we think this is a better idea.

Man, why'd they have to go and mention lo mein? Now I'm hungry. How early is too early for Chinese takeout? "It's never too early." That is correct. Same goes for a beer, right? *cracks beer* I'm gonna be honest, I'm really not looking forward to this 10AM meeting. "What's it for?" My performance evaluation.

Thanks to Allyson S, who agrees somebody needs to get on a footlong chili cheese dog with onions candle. I'll make you rich.

  • GeneralDisorder

    Oh good. A candle that makes everyone think my lifer is sadder than it really is.

  • Xockszky

    So it smells like old grease? Maybe I'm just going to the wrong Chinese restaurants lol

  • TheQiwiMan

    "Hey there! You want a candle that will disappoint the whole family, making them think you brought home Chinese Food for dinner? Have I got a deal for YOU!"

    "Also, you're kinda a monster."

  • Big Dog on Krampus

    meanwhile $25 can buy a lot of chinese takeout with the added bonus of being able to actually eat it

  • GeneralDisorder

    There's a small hole-in-the-wall chinese take-out shop near me that sells pretty amazing dinners for $6.99. Then they try to up-sell you on a coke/pepsi can for $1. I make two stops. Dollar Tree then Chinese. For $8 I'm so stuffed I can't move. And I'm a fat-ass. I finish the dinner in one sitting and I regret it about 15 minutes after I finish.

  • TheQiwiMan
  • Closet Nerd

    You can't drink "all day" if you don't start in the morning....

  • Closet Nerd

    Did that for a few years... wouldn't recommend it

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