Finally, A Candle That Smells Like Chinese Takeout

September 10, 2018


This is the $25 Takeout Candle. Each 16-ounce,100% soy candle burns for 80 hours and allegedly captures the essence of Chinese takeout. I'll be the judge of that. "You're gonna eat it, aren't you?" Just a nibble.

If someone opens a carton of Chinese food within 100 feet of us we end up drifting over like a cartoon character carried by the aroma. While ordering takeout every day is tempting, we think we've developed a more financially viable way to enjoy that scent. The Takeout Candle packs similar notes of soy, lemongrass and ginger so you can light the candle and bask in that glory. You could leave that carton of lo mein out for days on end, but we think this is a better idea.

Man, why'd they have to go and mention lo mein? Now I'm hungry. How early is too early for Chinese takeout? "It's never too early." That is correct. Same goes for a beer, right? *cracks beer* I'm gonna be honest, I'm really not looking forward to this 10AM meeting. "What's it for?" My performance evaluation.

Thanks to Allyson S, who agrees somebody needs to get on a footlong chili cheese dog with onions candle. I'll make you rich.

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