109-year old Montana woman Helen Self celebrated her most recent birthday with a dinner at the Montana Club restaurant, which honors birthdays by allowing a patron to take their age as a percentage off their bill (i.e. if you're turning 30, you get 30% off). But since Helen was turning 109, she ate her shrimp dinner (she opted for no steak this year) for free and got 9% of the cost of her meal returned to her in cash (rounded up to a whopping $2). A sweet deal! I mean, provided you're cool being 109, which I am not. The 100's and 200's were both hard for me. "That's right -- I forgot you were a 400-year old undead warlock!" That hurts, just how many other undead warlocks are you friends with? "A couple?" Those people are liars. "And you?" I am the only undead warlock you know.
Keep going for a local news report about the momentous occasion, or follow the link in the article if it doesn't want to work because it's a turd.
Thanks again to Closet Nerd, who's really been killing it the past two days with tips, UNLIKE SOME PEOPLE. You, I'm talking about you. Unless you're Closet Nerd, then I'm talking about everyone else.