Yeah, No: Hammacher Schlemmer's $1,950 Cold Brew Coffee Maker

August 3, 2018


This is the $1,950 Japanese Slow Drip Cold Coffee Brewer available from purveyor of ridiculously expensive things, Hammacher Schlemmer. It stands 41-inches tall, weighs 20.5 pounds, and makes 90-ounces of iced coffee over the course of 8 to 16 hours (adjustable). Some more info while I buttchug a sugarfree Redbull like a normal person:

Handmade in Japan where cold brew (Kyoto-style) coffee originated, this is the slow-drip coffee brewer. Unlike hot coffee brewers that release acid during brewing, resulting in bitter-tasting coffee, cold brewers use ice water to extract a concentrated brew that maintains coffee's natural flavor. Ice water in the 100-oz. glass sphere flows to a pair of nozzles with individual spigots that allow you to adjust the speed of the drip cycle from eight to 16 hours--the lower the speed, the stronger the coffee concentration. The top of each cylinder holds your preferred grounds and a replaceable cotton filter. The coffee can be refrigerated for up to one week and maintains its rich, bitter-free taste when heated in a microwave.

I'll admit it, I do like cold brew coffee. Although if I'm making it I just fill up a Rubbermaid container with cold water and ground coffee and leave it in the fridge, then pour it through a coffee filter in the morning. Besides, $1,950 is waaaay too much to spend on something my parents are just going to mistake for a bong and shatter in the driveway anyways.

Keep going for one more shot straight from an alchemist's catalog.


Thanks to Dave M, who informed me he prefers espresso. Granted I'm not sure what I'm supposed to do with that info, but rest assured I'll find a way to hold it against him.

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