Yeah, No: Hammacher Schlemmer's $1,950 Cold Brew Coffee Maker

August 3, 2018

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This is the $1,950 Japanese Slow Drip Cold Coffee Brewer available from purveyor of ridiculously expensive things, Hammacher Schlemmer. It stands 41-inches tall, weighs 20.5 pounds, and makes 90-ounces of iced coffee over the course of 8 to 16 hours (adjustable). Some more info while I buttchug a sugarfree Redbull like a normal person:

Handmade in Japan where cold brew (Kyoto-style) coffee originated, this is the slow-drip coffee brewer. Unlike hot coffee brewers that release acid during brewing, resulting in bitter-tasting coffee, cold brewers use ice water to extract a concentrated brew that maintains coffee's natural flavor. Ice water in the 100-oz. glass sphere flows to a pair of nozzles with individual spigots that allow you to adjust the speed of the drip cycle from eight to 16 hours--the lower the speed, the stronger the coffee concentration. The top of each cylinder holds your preferred grounds and a replaceable cotton filter. The coffee can be refrigerated for up to one week and maintains its rich, bitter-free taste when heated in a microwave.

I'll admit it, I do like cold brew coffee. Although if I'm making it I just fill up a Rubbermaid container with cold water and ground coffee and leave it in the fridge, then pour it through a coffee filter in the morning. Besides, $1,950 is waaaay too much to spend on something my parents are just going to mistake for a bong and shatter in the driveway anyways.

Keep going for one more shot straight from an alchemist's catalog.

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Thanks to Dave M, who informed me he prefers espresso. Granted I'm not sure what I'm supposed to do with that info, but rest assured I'll find a way to hold it against him.

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