Yeah, No: Hammacher Schlemmer's $1,950 Cold Brew Coffee Maker

August 3, 2018


This is the $1,950 Japanese Slow Drip Cold Coffee Brewer available from purveyor of ridiculously expensive things, Hammacher Schlemmer. It stands 41-inches tall, weighs 20.5 pounds, and makes 90-ounces of iced coffee over the course of 8 to 16 hours (adjustable). Some more info while I buttchug a sugarfree Redbull like a normal person:

Handmade in Japan where cold brew (Kyoto-style) coffee originated, this is the slow-drip coffee brewer. Unlike hot coffee brewers that release acid during brewing, resulting in bitter-tasting coffee, cold brewers use ice water to extract a concentrated brew that maintains coffee's natural flavor. Ice water in the 100-oz. glass sphere flows to a pair of nozzles with individual spigots that allow you to adjust the speed of the drip cycle from eight to 16 hours--the lower the speed, the stronger the coffee concentration. The top of each cylinder holds your preferred grounds and a replaceable cotton filter. The coffee can be refrigerated for up to one week and maintains its rich, bitter-free taste when heated in a microwave.

I'll admit it, I do like cold brew coffee. Although if I'm making it I just fill up a Rubbermaid container with cold water and ground coffee and leave it in the fridge, then pour it through a coffee filter in the morning. Besides, $1,950 is waaaay too much to spend on something my parents are just going to mistake for a bong and shatter in the driveway anyways.

Keep going for one more shot straight from an alchemist's catalog.


Thanks to Dave M, who informed me he prefers espresso. Granted I'm not sure what I'm supposed to do with that info, but rest assured I'll find a way to hold it against him.

  • Jenness

    If you have 8 1/2 hours to wait for coffee - you're not the person who needs coffee.

  • GeneralDisorder

    Seems like a poor use of $1950 all around. I saw a cold brew setup for something like $10 at Goodwill a long time ago. Looked like something that would have been $30 new.

  • Meh

    Seems like a pain to clean. Then again if i could afford this i would just buy a new one instead of cleaning my own shit.

  • Bling Nye

    This is pretty, but I prefer the lab equipment aesthetic.

  • The_Wretched

    I was thinking of the breaking bad one. Well done.

  • Doog

    I've always wanted to brew my own Cold Brew, but haven't actually looked up how to do it.

    Is it just me or does this look like it could be easily recreated, at least in spirit and function, for significantly less than $1,950?

  • Nick Pappagiorgio

    GW actually said a really easy way to do it, but he didn't really get into specifics.

    Get a really nice espresso bean and grind it yourself, then add about 2/3's of a cup of grounds to 3-4 cups of cold water in something like a pyrex measuring cup, cover it and let it sit overnight in the fridge (stir here and there if you'd like!). Filter in the AM with a clean paper towel, coffee filter, maxi pad, whatever. Enjoy cold brewed coffee at home without spending $2000 on a lab-grade rube goldberg machine.

  • Joebags !

    Just realized, this is the name of the 2 big guys on the german team from the movie beerfest=0

  • TheQiwiMan

    Naw, I'm all set. Gale already makes my coffee for me.

  • James Mcelroy

    About that...I have some bad news regarding Gale.

  • TheQiwiMan

    The grumpy guy he's working with gave him a promotion...?

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