Security Guard Frisker Demonstrates A No-Touch Frisk Technique

August 2, 2018


This is a video of a security guard demonstrating a very advanced no-touch frisk technique. The technique is so advanced he actually performs the entirety of the frisking with his eyes. He's good -- he's damn good. "X-ray contacts?" That was my second guess. "And your first?" He absolutely does not give a shit about the security at this event.

Keep going for the video.

Thanks to TH, who's convinced he only frisks as much as he gets paid.

  • Doog

    I'm ashamed at how long it took me to realize this article was sarcastic...

  • paperboy

    He's performing an aura cleansing ritual.

  • Bling Nye

    "Blinken, what are you doing up there?"

    "Guessing...? I... guess no one's coming...?"

  • Doog

    Robin Hood Men In Tights!

  • Bling Nye

    TIGHT tights!

  • TheQiwiMan

    Epitome of “Security Theater”.

  • Douchy McDouche

    That vacant stare says it all - Kill me please.

  • GeneralDisorder

    It reminds me of myself in the last few months of my marriage. Going through motions but making it blatantly obvious I wasn't into it at all.

  • Douchy McDouche

    Sex must've been so awkward for the wife.

  • GeneralDisorder

    I wouldn't know. I wasn't there.

  • Wooder

    He may not be "Security" he just a random guy with dementia trying to get it on. Everyone reminds him of his wife.

  • Warning: Loud Shitty Music Ahead.

  • Bosun Higgs

    Well, you could chroma-key the guy out.

  • Big Dog on Krampus

    that's what we call an ocular patdown

  • jodyberry

    I think Mac stole the Ocular Patdown from his brother "Country Mac"!

  • PUNX

    this one came to my mind as soon as I saw this

  • TheQiwiMan

    “YOU made a POOPY in your pants!”

  • James Mcelroy

    He's using the force, so obvious.

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