Russian Weapons Manufacturer Unveils Super Questionable Looking 5-Ton Mech

August 22, 2018


Because somebody has clearly been watching too much Robocop, these are several shots of the 13-foot tall, 5-ton mech recently unveiled by Russian weapons manufacturer Kalashnikov (of AK-47 fame). Named Igorek (presumably as in, "I go wreck things now"), the whole thing looks like a giant turd to me but can allegedly accommodate several pilots protected by bulletproof glass (which look suspiciously like plexiglass), hold weapons in its hands (although how effectively if at all is up for debate), and walk on two legs. Honestly, based on its look and the fact there's no video and that it's standing on a giant metal base it's probably welded to, my guess is this is just a nonfunctional statue. I've seen more menacing scrap metal sculptures in people's yards before. And those legs -- who would actually build a mech with legs like that? This thing would be so easy to topple, and then it's helpless on the ground like a t-rex, except at least a t-rex still has its tail to help it get back up. This thing would just be a sitting duck. And not a sexy one like Daisy Duck either, but one time she did show me her underwear Basic Instinct style. *angry, incomprehensible chatter* You were on a break, Donald!

Keep going for a couple more shots.



Thanks to Thaylor H, who agrees has the tow-cable AT-AT toppling scene from The Empire Strikes Back taught mech designers nothing?

  • Sławomir Uchto

    Welded? Looks like cardboard to me.

  • Ghost Pirates

    "Hmmm.... Lets just go with beige."

  • Kyle Myers

    It looks like one of those balancing act street magicians without the rug to cover the metal base a pole is mounted to. If you took that base away would the robot fall on it's face? "But boss, if we add the cockpit window and have it stick too far out it will tip over." "Keep going! It won't look cool unless you add that!"

  • Jenness

    Why are the hands and feet so disproportionately tiny though? No self-respecting girl robot is going to agree to date that loser, no way. Not with the Boston Dynamics robots running around the place, no sirree bob.

  • bigalosu

    ED-209 and a Humvee's illegitimate love child.

  • GeneralDisorder

    No video of it moving. Looks to be fixed onto that metal plate. I bet that metal plate weighs about 3 tons.

  • Closet Nerd

    Reminiscent of this scene from Iron Man 2

  • Colin Lang
  • Wilf Smith

    Eventually. Propaganda, all the lies, all the attempts to keep up with the neighbours head into shark jumping territory where they unwittingly become parodies of themselves. I think Kalashnikov just got there. I wouldn't mind betting prodded by the always insecure Putin demanding that if Boston Dynamics can do X, why aren't we doing something too ?! Your lack of progress shames Mother Russia ! Make a mech by year end or your family will join you in the gulag !

  • Jeffrey

    At least it's not controlled by artificial intelligence...yet

  • Konstantin

    Kalashnikov denies naming this thing 'Igorek', saying it's just a nickname given to it by the press. I think they should go further, and deny having anything to do with it at all.

  • RaySmuckles

    hell yes, an IRL ED-209

  • Doog

    At least it's not controlled by artificial intelligence...yet

  • Tigerh8r

    We all know a few teddy-bear looking things could take that out with some rope and logs.

  • GeneralDisorder

    Those teddy bear looking things were technological savants who eat human sized sentient aliens.

  • Joebags !

    HAH! I was going the Robocop route in my mind but you win sir. GG

  • Megatron Jenkins

    All roads lead to Star Wars.

  • typowned

    In Soviet Russia, Igorek's you...r reputation as a legitimate weapons manufacturer.

  • TheQiwiMan

    LOL "Igorek"?

    More like Igofalldownalot.

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