Because this is the world we live in *checks departure time for next rocket launch*, this is the $15 Emoji Poo Plunger from Squatty Potty. It looks like the Apple poop emoji and is designed to unclog toilets after you poop too hard or try flushing too much toilet paper/too many feminine hygiene products. *yelling at roommate* What the hell did you try to flush down here, a beach towel? Funny story: I actually tore the rubber on my last plunger trying to unclog the toilet over the weekend. *shrug* I guess it was getting old and brittle. "Why is that funny?" Because the toilet never got unclogged. "Sooooo...?" So I've been using the kitchen trashcan for three days. "That's more gross than funny." Sitting on it leaves a deep ring around my ass for hours. "God you're a monster." Let me live in your closet? "Not a chance." Under your bed it is.
Keep going for two more shots while I speculate how this guy was able to land the modeling gig of a lifetime.
Thanks to Allie, who agrees soon there will be a poop emoji version of everything available. I can only pray the asteroid will strike before then.