Because YOLO, these are high heel Croc sandals. They're available in platinum/wild orchid or black on black and cost $225 on Amazon for some reason, presumably because they're in such high demand. I'm pretty sure you can find them significantly cheaper if you look around though, although why you would is beyond me. I'm thinking I'll get my girlfriend a pair as a gag gift, then if she likes them I'll know she's not the one for me. Or if she just pretends to like them because I bought them for her then she IS the one for me. I'm just not sure how I'll tell the difference.
Thanks again to Leslie P, who just earned herself a coveted gold star sticker for three tips in a day. Feels good, doesn't it?