Finally, A Decent Assemble-Yourself Casket Kit

July 23, 2018

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This is the $600 Simple Pine Box Build-Your-Own Casket kit available from the Northwoods Casket Company. It comes with everything you need to assemble your own final resting place in one to two hours. *gets headache, convince myself I'm dying* I'm coming, Lord!

This casket kit comes complete with all wooden parts pre-cut. No cutting. No clamping. Kit includes Casket Kit Assembly Instructions, screws, glue, and a piece of sandpaper. The parts are smooth, but sanding is one of those tasks that is never finished. The kit assembles in 1-2 hours. Extra hands make for light work. Keep the blue-stained pine as is, or finish with oil, varnish, paint, or any creative method that inspires you.

Different strokes for different folks, you know? I just bought two kits for myself for when I die, then reanimate myself with black magic, then die again. "Why not just reuse the first casket?" Clearly you've never seen a dead body be reanimated.

Keep gong for shots of the casket kit, as well as some of their currently sold out $800 build your own coffin kit.

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Thanks to Christine, who informed me she made her own urn in a pottery class.

  • MustacheHam

    $600, not a bad price for a bed...er coffin.

  • The_Wretched

    I want one. I could use it as a sleeping nook and save effort for the family should I die before I wake. If I wake after I die, they'll have to put some effort in.

  • steve holt

    “The Slim Reaper” by Whammo

  • Jenness

    $600 for that? Man, there has got to be someone at Home Depot who can show you how to do that and even cut the pieces for under $250.00. Plus this looks like a depressing piece of shit. They couldn't even stain or paint it? And that rope - looks like it would pull right out. I'm a capitalist - but this looks like something Ebeneezer Scrooge would even be too embarrassed to sell at that price.

  • Captain Matticus, LP Inc.

    What if you want to make your own and die in a horrible power tool accident during the construction phase? What would that be called?

  • Meh

    I assume they'll just throw me in a ditch, and honestly i don't care.

  • TheQiwiMan

    Meh, I already have a big refrigerator box saved for me, I'm all set, thanks.

  • Big Dog on Krampus

    never realized that casket and coffin weren't interchangeable terms until now

  • Wooder

    Its a final test to see if you are a good handman or not!

    it all ends in either horror/dismay or wow he was a cheap bastard!

  • Eric Ord

    STOP TAKING MY FIRSTS

  • Wooder

    Its either you or Irina...oh and get a faster keyboard to be FIRST!

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