Finally, A Decent Handheld Body Odor Detector

June 28, 2018


This is the Tanita ES-100, a body odor detector that uses sensors similar to those in the company's breathalyzers to detect chemical compounds commonly associated with B.O.. The handheld device will cost around $30 - $40 when it's released July 1st, and provides users with a 1 - 10 scale of their odor's offensiveness, 10 being a diaper filled dumpster on the hottest day of summer. And, as goofy as it may seem, it's discreet use has to be infinitely more socially acceptable than demanding a coworker smell your pits, which is what I do. Hey Phil! *lifting arm, sweat stains clearly visible* Get that brown nose of yours in there and tell me what you think. *Phil, between dry heaves* "Like a chili cheese dog with raw onions." Haha, they're called pheromones bro, and I'm not going home with you.

Keep going for a couple more shots.



Thanks to Eric, who informed me he thought this is what having kids was for.

  • Jenness

    The ONLY reasonable use for this is at work or school when you have to confront someone about their level of "stank" but have to be PC about it.

    Mr. Supervisor with a female lackey witness: Excuse me, Miss Lipschitz, could come into the office for a moment? I have something I need to discuss with you.

    "Oh umm ok all right" looks around nervously, as Mr. Supervisor recoils from her stench.

    Mr Supervisor takes out the device "Now if you'd just stand right there next to Miss Witness, I need to scan you."

    "Wait, is that the Smellometer? I do NOT smell!!" acts offended

    Mr Supervisor already getting a reading "I'm so sorry but according to this you do. You're going to have to take off your clothes and let Miss Witness bathe you before you can get back to work..."

    .... turns it into porn because this is actually a pretty funny porn premise

  • Meh

    Whats wrong with ya'll noses?

  • GeneralDisorder

    Typically people can't smell themselves. But usually if you can't smell yourself and you're not crammed into tight quarters with other people you're probably fine.

    Granted, when I used to smoke I couldn't smell much of anything.

  • Jenness

    OMG Right?!?

  • TheMajesticWaterRuffalo

    I'll need to add one of these to my orgy bag.

  • Cheese

    If it isn't detecting odour, you're doing it wrong.

  • TheQiwiMan

    If only Mother Nature had foreseen a need to be able to detect bad, potentially harmful smells, and equipped us with organs for this purpose.

  • SmokeThatSkinWagon

    And if only our brains hadn't developed the passive ability to render imperceptible the common smells from ones self.

  • Bling Nye

    Indeed. Sensory adaptation. A goddamn lifesaver if you work around animal manure for example. Also why you don't feel your clothes rubbing on your skin all the time, or your tongue sitting in your mouth, or see the sides of your nose when you look at things etc...

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