Nike Releasing Fanny Pack Sandals (Technically Tootsie Pack Sandals)

May 31, 2018


These are several shots of the soon-to-be-released Nike Benassi JDI Fanny Pack sandals. They'll come in green/blue, black/pink and black on black colorways and each has a little zippered pouch on top for storing small items like keys, money, and drugs. They're basically sandal versions of KangaROOS. Are you going to buy a pair? I'm going to try to split a pair with another pirate friend who only needs one. "Because you both have peglegs." You're very astute. I could really use the extra storage space, although I already keep a folded twenty behind my eyepatch in case of emergencies. "You're a fascinating creature, GW." Like if a mermaid banged a griffin?! "Not that fascinating." A centaur and a dragon? "A goblin and troll." I'll take it.

Keep going for shots of the other colors.





Thanks to my friend Arlene, who informed me they should be coupled with a pair of black over-the-calf socks for the ultimate combo in old man sexuality.

  • skeptic

    The chinese have already made knock-offs, though they made the pouch the soles of the sandals

  • The_Wretched

    Going for the nudist who needs pockets niche?

  • Jenness

    This is going to be fun at airports.

  • JohnBoy


  • TheQiwiMan

    I'm gonna buy a pair.

    Then I'm gonna buy some drugs to put in them.


    Anybody got any drugs I can buy?

  • GeneralDisorder

    I do not but I would suggest something that absorbs through the skin... Like LSD.

  • Ollie Williams


  • Ah fuck. This is the exact garbage i buy on amazon. Here we go....

  • Eric Ord


    PS lol beating your children with objects is funny

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