Good To Know: German Firefighters Trained To Deal With Adult Toy Emergencies

May 22, 2018


(above) I'm not sure what I'm looking at but I want no part of it.

Firefighters in Germany are now being trained to deal with sex toy emergencies (I need a dildo, STAT!), due to a recent spike in people getting their penises stuck in things, and things stuck in their butts. *shrug* It happens. Just stay calm, it'll come out eventually -- that's my motto.

Emergency crews are being drilled in cutting off penis rings or extracting items that have got stuck in hard to reach places.

The seminar is called Maschinenunfaelle in German, which translates to 'Mechanical Failures'.

More than 600 firefighters were given a lesson in how to remove penis rings, in Dresden this week.

The 15-minute rescue technique involves inserting a spatula between the victim's penis and the ring before it is cut off with a grinder.

Man, I'm not sure I'd feel all that comfortable with nothing between my penis and a grinder but a spatula. Could you even imagine being the person sitting there while firefighters grind away a ring just millimeters from you penis? That'll make you think twice before getting kinky again. "Would it though?" Absolutely not, let's move to Germany.

Thanks to K Diddie, who agrees you should definitely try using all the butter in your fridge before calling the fire department (two sticks usually does the trick).

  • Jenness

    I wonder how many of them thought "Why can't we just let their dicks fall off as a measure of survival of the fittest population control?'

    Because that is what I'm wondering.

  • Fartbutt

    Because men will do anything to get someone to touch their weiner.

  • Jenness

    OMG you are right

  • Frédéric Purenne

    "Dude, what are you doing?
    - Oh I'm practicing CPR.
    - But that's not a CPR doll, it's a cock ring removal doll..."

  • Eric Ord

    I think the way American firefighters should respond to sex toy emergencies is to ask The_Wretched to slow down, man. Whew, man. Whew.

  • Meh

    As if this is the real danger currently in Germany. God the delusion of the people in charge of the EU.

  • The_Wretched

    They sell them at the airports and require you put one one the moment you approach a metal detector. It's a more common problem than you might imagine. The Germans are a serious people and take the legal requirement to be ringed at all times very seriously.

  • GeneralDisorder

    Look, when someone says dirty words you gotta stop them as soon as possible.

  • Doog

    The only way I can continue on with my day is by telling myself that the picture and article are not related.

  • GeneralDisorder

    It's just training. It's okay. (I'm lying to make Doog feel better)

  • Doog

    Whew thank goodness, I feel so much better now!

  • TheQiwiMan

    I'm not sure what I'm looking at but I want EVERY part of it.

  • The_Wretched

    I'm not sure if the model is in a mummy bag or body bag. I hope if it's the latter, that they don't bother.

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