Don't Tell My Aunt: Wine Kegs Now Available

May 23, 2018

wine-kegs-1.jpg

Move over boxes, this is one of the $240 wine kegs (tap sold separately) available from Bridge Lane, a wine label from Lieb Cellars of Long Island, New York. Each 49-pound plastic-shelled keg contains a bladder filled with 19.5-liters (26 bottles) of my aunt's favorite lunch. Current kegs available include chardonnay, sauvignon blanc, red blend, white merlot and rosé. Live outside the New York City area? No problem, they'll FedEx us just the bladder so we can still make a bathtub full of sangria. "Your bathtub is disgusting." Yeah....how's yours? "Not much better." Let's go buy a kiddy pool. Plus if nobody comes to our party we'll just drink as much as we can then wrestle in what's left! Wait -- where are you going? "To buy that kiddy pool." Aw yeah!

Thanks to Charlotte, who I feel like has the perfect wine-drinker's name.

  • Forblat

    New York wine bleah

  • MustacheHam

    This will go perfectly with a wheel of Gouda.

  • fuzz

    OMG HAHAHAHAHA He's not gay, that dude is married to Eva Mendez FFS and they have two kids!

  • Jenness

    You stealing bot word thief!

  • Eric Ord

    That keg of wine is just about as much as I'd have to drink to ever talk to The_Wretched or Ollie Williams ever again >:(

  • Nicholas Conrad
    Notes:
    • If your delivery location is outside of Long Island or New York City, your keg will arrive with the bladder inside a sturdy cardboard case as opposed to a plastic shell. This packaging allows us to ship via FedEx Ground.

    Oh, wait, what? I thought that was just part of your funny ha-has. What else haven't you been lying about all this time?? Welp, sangria tub, here I come!

  • Geekologie

    I have never lied

  • Nicholas Conrad
    Free ground shipping on orders over $50!*

    *Free shipping is for online orders only and is not available to Alaska or Hawaii

    ...or, just fml....

  • adsffda

    why was it not before? it's not like the technology is any different than for beer, unless people don't like carbonated wine? does pressurizing it always cause carbonation?

    or, if it isn't compressed, what makes this different than just a really heavy boxed wine which is also very old technology?

  • Bling Nye
  • Jenness

    I just love Betty!!!

  • Draco Basileus

    Much less consumer waste than boxed wine. But more wasted consumers than boxed wine.

  • TheQiwiMan

    Maybe if I got Jenness wasted on a keg of wine she'd finally agree to kik me..

  • Jenness

    Maybe you're right. But only if it looks like this: http://www.glossglam.com/wp...

  • TheQiwiMan

    You just made me gay.

    Guess that's a pretty effective way to get me to stop hitting on you!

  • Jenness

    OMG HAHAHAHAHA He's not gay, that dude is married to Eva Mendez FFS
    and they have two kids!

  • TheQiwiMan

    Oh I know he's straight (well, as straight as any famous hunky male celebrity can be)

    But he's so hawt I'M now gay.

    So thanks for that, sis.

  • Jenness

    Dude. Yeah you are. You just wrote "hunky" and "hawt".

    Here...maybe this will turn things around for you: https://gyazo.com/a57e34683...

  • TheQiwiMan

    The Jenness giveth, and The Jenness taketh away.

    She is a Merciful Goddess.

  • Draco Basileus

    Um, should the rest of us just let ourselves out?

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