Sadness: Punk-Rock 'Butt-Breathing' Turtle Faces Extinction

April 17, 2018


In sad news, the "butt-breathing" Mary River turtle, native to Queensland, Australia, has recently been added to "the 'Edge of Existence' list of endangered species compiled by the Zoological Society of London (ZSL)." Some more info about the turtles while I speculate if butt-chugging a beer is an appropriate tribute:

An Australian river turtle with a distinctive green punk-rock hairstyle, two spikes under its chin and the ability to breathe through its genitals is on a new list of endangered reptiles.

[The turtle] has the unusual ability to breathe underwater through specialized glands in its cloaca -- a posterior opening for excretion and reproduction.

This biological function allows the turtle -- referred to as a "butt breather" -- to stay underwater for up to three days. That ability also usually provides these turtles with a vibrant green mohawk, the result of algae growing on their heads because of the extended time spent submerged.

Conservationists attribute the turtle's dwindling numbers to habitat loss and overcollection for the pet trade and NOT Shredder like I had previously suspected. You know, it's going to be weird in the future when you have one of your grandchildren on your knee and you're telling them you can still remember a time when there were butt-breathing turtles on earth. Now the only remaining butt-breathers are in politics and OH SHIT, did you hear that?! Robot attack -- to the bunker!

Thanks to Ed who wields the axe of Grognak! and Fartbutt, who both really went out of the way with their names, just completely different directions.

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