Man Gets Attacked By Shark, Bear, Rattlesnake In Less Than Four Years

April 23, 2018

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Meet 20 year old Colorado man Dylan McWilliams. After being bitten by a shark in Hawaii last week (which required seven stitches, non life-threatening), Dylan has the unlucky distinction of being attacked by a shark, bear and rattlesnake, all in under four years. No word how jealous Coyote Peterson is right now.

"The scariest part was swimming back," he told the news outlet, adding that he was hoping the shark wouldn't continue following the trail of blood from his leg.


Last July, McWilliams told the paper, he received nine staples in his scalp after a nearly 300-pound bear invaded his Colorado campsite.

"The bear grabbed the back of my head and started pulling me and I was fighting back as best as I could," he told Hawaii News Now. "It dropped me and stomped on me a little bit, and I was able to get back to the group and they scared it away."

As for the rattlesnake, that encounter occurred about three and a half years ago in Utah, McWilliams told the Star-Advertiser.

Luckily, he took in only a small amount of venom, so he was only briefly ill afterward, he told the newspaper.

Hahahahaha, man -- I'm not sure whether to suggest buying a lottery ticket or keeping a room rented at the hospital. You know, maybe the outdoorsman life isn't for you. Maybe Mother Nature is trying to tell you something. And maybe that something is 'Stay Indoors'. I've barely left my apartment in four years for that exact reason, and I haven't been bitten by anything except a wild lover. Ooh -- and spiders while I sleep, sometimes inside my mouth.

Thanks to Josh D, who agrees if Dylan ever goes to Australia he's a goner for sure.

  • Deksam

    Crikey what a Rippa!

  • Munihausen

    Single-handedly raising health insurance premiums. Get a job, son.

  • You go meandering through some animal's living room, shit's bound to go down...

  • Mark

    He's doing it wrong.

  • Jenness

    Yeah, at this point I'd be seriously questioning my outdoors skills or what I did in a past life that really pissed off Mother nature. Did he fuck her sister or something?

  • Jesus H. Presley ✓ᵛᵉʳᶦᶠᶦᵉᵈ™

    Dumbass! Stay home already.

  • Jason Christopher

    White people...

  • Eric Ord

    Guy is GW

    Bear snake and shark are firsts

    God is me

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