Hidden Valley Ranch Creates $35,000 Ranch Bottle To Celebrate National Ranch Day

March 12, 2018


This is one of the two $35,000 Ranch bottles commissioned by Hidden Valley Ranch to celebrate National Ranch Day, March 10th (I didn't know March 10th was National Ranch Day but I still had ranch because I have ranch everyday, sometimes three times). It contains over 75 carats of diamonds and sapphires, complete with 18-karat white gold accents and cap. One of the bottles Hidden Valley is keeping, but the other they're giving away to a lucky Twitter user who follows Hidden Valley and retweets this tweet of theirs by May 19th although I just retweeted it from all of my personal Twitter accounts and the bottle is as good as mine. "Just how many personal Twitter accounts do you have?" Zero, I plan on stealing it.

Keep going for a closeup of the bottle's neck.


Thanks to v, who agrees there's no way ranch can't taste better out of a $35,000 bottle.

  • Wow that's... tacky.

  • TheQiwiMan

    True story- when I was a kid, I remember my parents asking how the heck was it possible for our family to be going through our Ranch Dressing so quickly. One night when it was my little brother's turn to clear the table, I quietly followed him into the kitchen and caught him GUZZLING Ranch straight from the bottle.

    And since I'm a good big brother, I haven't let him forget about that for a single moment ever since.

  • Wild Man of Wongo

    Ranch sucks. So sick of it being America's default salad dressing. Ask for French or something and people look at you like you're from another planet. Only thing more annoying is that "mayonnaise" jackasses try to sneak onto any sandwich you order, even if you tell them not to.

  • GeneralDisorder

    I don't hate ranch dressing but I also don't love it.

  • PUNX

    Try not putting any sort of dressing on a salad... people will talk to you like they know you and suggest all sorts of crap to put on it.
    All I need\want is a shload of bacon and cheese.

  • GeneralDisorder

    That's probably a lot healthier than pretty much every dressing. Although... gross. The only reason I eat salad is for the dressing.

  • Geekologie

    those are fighting words

  • shashi
  • Titty McNipplefondler

    This bottle would look excellent adjacent to my three empty boxes of little caesars pizza.

  • Jonathan Tippett

    Ranch is the perfect condiment for making whatever you're eating just kinda taste like ranch and nothing else.

    I still use it though.

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