Archee McPhee's 'Tin-Foil' Hats For Humans And Cats

March 28, 2018


These are Archee McPhee's pre-made Tin-Foil Hats for humans ($8.50) and cats ($7.50). They look like they'll protect you from government mind-control and alien probing, the only problem is THEY'RE MADE OUT OF MYLAR. Now that's just shoddy product design. What good is a tin-foil hat that only LOOKS tin-foil? That's like expecting to stop real bullets with the bulletproof vest that came in a $40 SWAT Team member Halloween costume (just FYI I already have one if you want to do a group thing this year). You might as well carry around a sign that reads 'Free brain for probing'. WHICH I DO. "You're the master of reverse psychology, GW." I really am. Now don't hug and kiss me. I mean it!

Keep going for the cat hat, which looks significantly less like the tip of a robot condom than the human version. At least they're felt-lined and come with a chin strap.


Thanks to Christina D, who agrees you might as well wrap your head in duct tape and hope for the the best.

  • Douchy McDouche

    $8.50 for something you could make from a piece of foil. Martin Shkreli would be proud.

  • Doog

    Will this protect me and Mr. Whiskers from the Chemtrails?

  • Bling Nye

    Of course not, those are inhaled. You'll need to create a filter; take a tube sock, tie a shoe lace to the toe then stuff it with crumpled up foil balls, dryer sheets, baby powder, and charcoal; tie off the end, place over mouth and nose, then attach the shoe lace to the other end of the sock, securely fastening it to your face. Swim goggles will protect your eyes.

    Foil hats only protect against brain scans and thought implants. Don't forget to make a chin strap for it, because you don't want it slipping! Duct tape, or a long rubber band will work great.

  • The_Wretched

    I'm going to buy a case and give them out to all the cat owners I know.

  • TheQiwiMan

    Remember kids, if you wanna be really safe, double wrap that head!

  • Bling Nye

    This is some Illuminati level shit, tricking you into thinking it'll protect you. It's a fuckin' conspiracy maaaan!

  • GeneralDisorder

    Relax. No need to panic. Home made braintennas...Uh. I mean, protective hats still block all known mind reading technology.

  • Geekologie

    I think you might be on to something

  • Bling Nye

    It's the fluoride in the contrails!!

  • Meh

    Good thing we can now make a knife out of that tinfoil. Get ready to be strip searched if you're trying to board your plane with this beautiful hat.

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